Newarcher Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Okay, here's the situation. There's a man at Church who is a dear friend, despite his being almost twice my age. I love him like a Dad. In fact, he was the one who recommended me to become a Deacon at my Church. Long story short, he's truly one of my favorite people in the world outside of my family. The really sad news is that he has terminal cancer and is going down hill fast. I try to visit him once a week and each time I see him, I notice how fast he's going down hill and his time on Earth is short. While visiting him last week, he floored me when he told me "I don't know if I asked you or not but I would like for you to be a pallbearer at my funeral". Honestly, this put a tear in my eye and a lump in my throat and it took me some time to respond. I told him that it would be the very last thing in the world that I want to do but I would be honored to do it for him provided I wasn't displacing anyone who would get their feelings hurt (he has a large family). He assured me that wasn't the case and that he wanted me. The problem is this...I'm leaving for vacation to Florida in ten days. If he passes right before we leave, I will stay behind and send the family on down and then go down after the funeral..no brainer. The problem arises if he passes while I am already on vacation.....should I leave the family and drive 8 hours back to GA to attend the funeral and then drive 8 hours back to FL to resume vacation? I've already paid for this vacation so there are no refunds for any reason. Everyone I have talked to said that if I am on vacation already, that I'd just have to say no (if I even know about it). However, I just don't know that holds. I'm not above driving back home but that would leave my family without a car for a day to two days. There's just something that seems kind of crass about saying "sorry I am enjoying the beach, won't be able to make it". I rarely have a hard time deciding the right thing to do, but in this case I don't know how to handle this if it happens. Thanks, New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Be straight up with him new. Go on the vacation and let him know your situation to see if he has an alternate person. Sure he will be understanding and encourage you to go with your family. If by chance he passes while you are gone, it is possible the funeral would not be until after you return anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Wtnhunt, Usually the family chooses the pallbearers after the passing, so it is usually on an 'as available' policy. If someone is out of town, they understand and choose an alternate and it's no big deal. In this case since he asked me personally, it adds a degree of difficulty to the dive, so to speak! I wanted to tell him about the vacation but at the time I didn't want to say "well provided you last more than two more weeks, we're good". It would be kind of like I was rooting against him, if you know what I mean. I guess I will just have to play it by ear. I don't mind going late if he passes before we leave or leaving early if it is at the end of the vacation. I'm worrying about worst case where he passes early in the vacation necessitating the decision of come back or stay and apologize. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redkneck Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 If the man means that much to you, and obviously you do to him as well, I would not hesitate to make that trip in the event of his passing. You'll only be gone some 20 hours or so from a ten day trip, you can work it in if you really want to. That being said, I'm sure he would not want you to interrupt your life for him if you were to bring that up to him now. I'd keep mum on it, and just make the trip if need be. just my humble opinion, there's no right or wrong answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanky72 Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 I don't post often. but I agree 100% with Redkneck if he means that much make the trip. If the man means that much to you, and obviously you do to him as well, I would not hesitate to make that trip in the event of his passing. You'll only be gone some 20 hours or so from a ten day trip, you can work it in if you really want to. That being said, I'm sure he would not want you to interrupt your life for him if you were to bring that up to him now. I'd keep mum on it, and just make the trip if need be. just my humble opinion, there's no right or wrong answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted June 9, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 That's kind of the way that I was leaning as well.....guess I just wanted to hear someone else say it. Most of the people who have been telling me that are women who think that's too far to go....hmmmpf. I've done commutes that were about that far back and forth to work in Atlanta traffic so. I appreciate the advice folks. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Wtnhunt, Usually the family chooses the pallbearers after the passing, so it is usually on an 'as available' policy. If someone is out of town, they understand and choose an alternate and it's no big deal. In this case since he asked me personally, it adds a degree of difficulty to the dive, so to speak! I wanted to tell him about the vacation but at the time I didn't want to say "well provided you last more than two more weeks, we're good". It would be kind of like I was rooting against him, if you know what I mean. I guess I will just have to play it by ear. I don't mind going late if he passes before we leave or leaving early if it is at the end of the vacation. I'm worrying about worst case where he passes early in the vacation necessitating the decision of come back or stay and apologize. New Get what you are saying here New. If it were me under the circumstances I would probably talk with someone in his family that would be dealing with matters and let them know where you will be and how to get in touch with you in the event something did happen while you were away. Take your trip and try not to worry about it, sure if this guy thinks as much of you as it sounds then he would want you not to be stressing over his passing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted June 9, 2011 Report Share Posted June 9, 2011 Get what you are saying here New. If it were me under the circumstances I would probably talk with someone in his family that would be dealing with matters and let them know where you will be and how to get in touch with you in the event something did happen while you were away. Take your trip and try not to worry about it, sure if this guy thinks as much of you as it sounds then he would want you not to be stressing over his passing. That's what I'd do New, chat with one of his family members, It'd be very hard to talk about it with him like you said, it'd sound like you're doubting his number of days left before he passes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 That's actually great advice there I hadn't thought of. I'd gladly come back but before I go on vacation I will stop by and see him again. On the way out I will give the family members my information in case he passes and indicate my willingness to come back to fulfill this wish. If they chose to go a different route, that's fine. If not, I'll crank the radio up, roll down the windows, and head back to Jawjuh. Thanks for the good idea. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin R10 man Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Let your yes be Yes and your no, NO...if you agree..then you do what you must, when you must, how you must. it's in his honor not your conveinence..hopw it all works out New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Have to agree with John and William's last post. Both are good advise. As for leaving the family without a car, check out available rental cars when you arrive in Florida. Renting one for a day or 2 won't cost much and will certainly make you feel more at ease knowing they have transportation available to them if they need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted June 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Thanks all for the advice. As for counting him out before he's done, I'm certainly not. I hope and pray he somehow makes a miraculous recovery. However, he's not eating and cannot even sit up any longer. He had his stomach removed so even when he felt good and could eat, he wasn't eating much. Very sad stuff. Thanks, New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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