ckrich Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 In my experience, once that trust has been lost, it is lost. It will never be the same. Keep your head up and stay strong. You will make it through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Living unhappy is not the way to live. Yep, could not agree more. Living with trust issues could drive a person crazy. Thanks, its very hard because there is no trust anymore and I cant get past that. I think I deserve better. I keep thinking its my fault somehow. Maybe Im just being stupid for staying. Not your fault, you should not think that. If you don't have any trust anymore and it cannot be regained then you probably need to seriously look at why you would want to stay and make that decision for yourself. Lets examine the word.... A "mistake" is something someone does (generally) that they didn't know was a "take" therefore being referred to as a mistake... has nothing to do with cheating or being unfaithful... As far as i know, there is no word for a "mischoice", because, as adults, we all know we have a choice, and our choice was to be faithful. So regardless of the circumstances at hand, cheating was a choice not a mistake, mistakes happen all the time - married people, brothers, sisters, friends everyone deals with mistakes, but cheating is a choice not a mistake...its a given moment when someone has the time to make a decision - and the decision that person makes is what determines being unfaithful or not...Cheating is not part of the question, but maybe part of the answer... just my opinion... I feel guilty when i can't take my lab goose hunting, but i know that he knows where i was at and what i was doing... that is cheating. dan Guess this was maybe in reply to my post since I used the word mistake. Poor choice, error in judgement, mistake, bad decision, whatever you want to call it people screw up and often times ruin the lives of those who love them and that is sad. Seen too many examples of people making mistakes/bad decisions/poor choices, both by getting married when they really should not have, and by getting themselves in situations they should not have ever put themselves into in the first place. Far as my original post which was my opinion and totally my opinion, I think circumstances are not all the same and you really cannot lump all people together as a group and say "once a cheater always a cheater" applies to all. If a person has a pattern of behaviour with no regards to their spouse and their family(because I believe it goes deeper than just cheating on the spouse when there are children)and they continually engage in that behaviour, it is not quite the same as a person who maybe say got themself in a situation by putting themself there and made one bad choice one time and regretted making that decision. Wrong is wrong and it is wrong whether it happens once or 100 times, but people are different, some people change and some will not. Some people have a conscience and a lot simply do not. Some will realize they made a terrible error and never let themself be in that type situation again, while others will try to see just how much they can get away with. Sad reality is that the latter is probably more common. Whatever you decide ozargal, wishing you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted February 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Thank you so much...Im just tired of everything etc...lying cheating telling me I cant go hunting or fishing just because he dont. He tells me he didnt do anything but I have the proof in my hand...Its just so complicated. And yes I think its wrong once or 100 times...I told him I would forgive him if he would just own up and tell me the truth, but just more lies. I should have listened to my momma and not got married and found me a good ol country boy.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETMGROW Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mom was right. Dump the bum and move on. Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Here is how I look at it. You make choose to forgive that person and that is fine. But can you really trust that person again? Love and trust are the foundation of a relationship. If you cannot trust your partner then walk away. I told my wife the same thing Ben said. If you want out say so and I will let you go but don't cheat on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
92xj Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 I told my wife the same thing Ben said. If you want out say so and I will let you go but don't cheat on me. exactly, I just dont understand people that cheat without saying something before hand. 99.23453% of cheating is thought about before the action. If you're man/woman enough to cheat on your spouse be man/woman enough to get out before doing it. It's lame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted February 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 That is so true ben, I told him if he wanted someone else just say so that way I can move on with my life and be happy with someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texastrophies Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 I will only say that PLEASE do not let your feelings be overly influenced by people that you only "know" through the internet. It is fine to listen to what we have to say, but in all fairness, we only have one side of the story, yours, so everybody is going to pretty much agree with you. Reading through this thread kind of reminds me of a snowball going down a hill. If you are married, I would suggest some third party counciling before divorce if there is any chance to save your marriage. If you are not married, then obviously, it is a lot easier to just walk away. Whatever you choose, I wish both of you the best. Breakups on any level are never easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 Not really sure if I could trust a person after they cheated, I think I'd be showing them the door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawg Posted February 16, 2012 Report Share Posted February 16, 2012 exactly, I just dont understand people that cheat without saying something before hand. 99.23453% of cheating is thought about before the action. If you're man/woman enough to cheat on your spouse be man/woman enough to get out before doing it. It's lame. 98.53% of all quoted percentages on internet forums are made up. I agree with Jeff's viewpoint. Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pruts Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 My wife and I have only been married for about a year and a half, and in no way think we have all the answers. But we agree couples divorce too easily a lot of times. That being said we are committed to each other forever. Unless one of us breaks one of two rules: 1- Cheating 2- Physically harming the other If one of us does, that's it. I do agree with TEXASTROPHIES above though, you have to do what's right for you! Don't let others pump you up into making a hasty decision. All the best and I hope everything works out. Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 I will only say that PLEASE do not let your feelings be overly influenced by people that you only "know" through the internet. It is fine to listen to what we have to say, but in all fairness, we only have one side of the story, yours, so everybody is going to pretty much agree with you. Reading through this thread kind of reminds me of a snowball going down a hill. If you are married, I would suggest some third party counciling before divorce if there is any chance to save your marriage. If you are not married, then obviously, it is a lot easier to just walk away. Whatever you choose, I wish both of you the best. Breakups on any level are never easy. and BAM!!!!!!!!!!! the voice of reason!!! This is the only advice you have got from this thread, the rst have been personal views, not solid advice. Good job Jeff! The answer to relationship troubles never come in cookie cutter form! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted February 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Well some of these people on here I know, for one thing. The other thing there is never two sides to this story, he cheated I didnt. I dont believe in cheating or I would have already done it back to him but im not that kind of girl.....I told him that I could not trust him anymore and he said he can live with me not trusting him. Its just not that simple to just get a divorce, we dont have kids but he is threating me on some things thats why I just cant up and leave. I want to thank each and everyone of you for your opinion. I will make my decision based on how I feel. No one is going to influence me into doing anything I dont want to I just wanted some advice from my realtree friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fly Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 People can change (even cheaters). Dealing with the baggage is the tough part - for both parties. I don't believe a relationship can succeed without trust. Both parties would have to be able to let it be part of the past which is a very difficult thing to do. Best of luck to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bfletch7441 Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 The only way to work through something like this Ben Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MUDRUNNER Posted February 17, 2012 Report Share Posted February 17, 2012 Thank you so much...Im just tired of everything etc...lying cheating telling me I cant go hunting or fishing just because he dont. He tells me he didnt do anything but I have the proof in my hand...Its just so complicated. And yes I think its wrong once or 100 times...I told him I would forgive him if he would just own up and tell me the truth, but just more lies. I should have listened to my momma and not got married and found me a good ol country boy.... It sounds like a bad situation for you any way you look at it. It sounds like he's trying to be the boss and dictate the things you do and how you feel. If hunting and fishing is part of who you are, then don't ever. let anybody take that away from you. In a solid relationship there is no boss. I would never tell my wife to stop doing something she enjoyed, and she would never do it to me. We are each our own person. My opinion......I think you could do better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted February 19, 2012 Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 anyone can make a mistake. to forgive takes an act of contrition and an apology. both must be sincere and come from the heart. he must be truly sorry and really want forgiveness. without those two, it will most certainly happen again. yet, if he does admit his sin, beg for forgivness, you may have something there. he must know, though, that next time is the last time. and be sicerere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted February 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thanks steve, but i do believe he will never admit to it. Im so ready to move on with my life with someone who loves me for me and put up with all my hunting and fishing, someone who wont cheat and lie to me. Karma will get him in the end. Now all i need to do is hand all of this over to GOD and let him handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoosierbuck Posted February 21, 2012 Report Share Posted February 21, 2012 Let's call it what it is. Adultery. It's a bad thing and a big deal. It speaks volumes to the character of the perpetrator. Being tempted is not the sin, giving into temptation and crossing the line is the sin. If he is not even willing to admit and ask forgiveness, he is not even repentant. I would be done with him. Life is hard, and to stay married to someone long term and deal with all of the issues that will inevitably come down the pike, you need to have a husband and partner you can trust with your heart and even your soul, as the husband is the spiritual head of the household. You gotta do what's right for you, but I would be willing to take some small lumps in a divorce now to avoid big ones later. HB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted February 23, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Thanks everyone for the advice. I needed it. God bless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 I will only say that PLEASE do not let your feelings be overly influenced by people that you only "know" through the internet. It is fine to listen to what we have to say, but in all fairness, we only have one side of the story, yours, so everybody is going to pretty much agree with you. Reading through this thread kind of reminds me of a snowball going down a hill. If you are married, I would suggest some third party counciling before divorce if there is any chance to save your marriage. If you are not married, then obviously, it is a lot easier to just walk away. Whatever you choose, I wish both of you the best. Breakups on any level are never easy. DITTO X 1000. I've been through a divorce for the same reason. Great advice!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m gardner Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 If they aplogize but point out that you helped pushed them to do it they'll cheat again for sure when it's justifiable. If they are remorseful because they got caught and not for the act itself they'll do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 I think to make a blanket statement would be wrong because all people are different, but for the most part, it's tough to change a tiger's stripes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NS whitetail Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 I want everyone's opinion, do you think if a spouse cheats that they will do it again? Also how do you forgive someone who keeps telling lie's and how do you trust someone again? if they keep telling lies, chances are they won't stop telling them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozarkgal Posted March 3, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks everyone for your opinion. I will decide what happens and i wont let any of this make up my mind. I just wanted opinions from everyone. Thank you all. God bless.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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