Hunt or be Hunted Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 RalloZ35 sent me this. Thought it was quite the read. From: Justin Flecker Date: Sunday 6 May 2012 6.52pm To: David Thorne Subject: Lamp I received your note but you cant go onto other peoples property and take things, that's trespassing. Massanutten is a wooded area and I installed that light for security. It's a safety issue. I can't help it if some of the light goes across the road, close your curtains if it bothers you. From: David Thorne Date: Sunday 6 May 2012 7.41pm To: Justin Flecker Subject: Re: Lamp Hello Justin, Thank you for your email. While I accept that curtains are usually the key to community accord, in this instance they would need to be constructed of eight-inch-thick lead sheeting. Last night, with my curtains closed and bedside light off, I read a book. Wearing sunglasses. Under a blanket. Though unconvinced that blinding local fauna is the best solution, I do understand the heightened need for security living in a wooded area such as the gated community of Massanutten demands. Having formerly lived my entire life in Australia, I am unfamiliar with much of the local wildlife but I did see my first raccoon last week. I stepped outside to have a cigarette and the raccoon, sitting less than five feet away beside an up-ended bin eating the remains of a Domino's Artisan Tuscan Salami pizza, hissed at me. Surprised, I threw myself backwards, rolled several times toward the door, and sprang to my feet holding the welcome-mat above my head to appear taller. Sometime during the roll-spring-mat maneuver, probably during the roll part as it was over gravel and I was wearing shorts and a thin t-shirt so I had to take it slow, the raccoon left. Which probably isn’t as exciting a story as it should be but this isn't Borneo and I’m not Jack London. I did see a snake the other day though. I picked up a stick to poke it with which also turned out to be a snake. Jumping back in panic, I threw it away from me, but our dog thought I was playing fetch and I had to run and jump over a creek to get away. As such, this weekend I intend to set up a canister of poisonous gas in my yard with an industrial fan behind it. I can't help it if some of the gas goes across the road. Regards, David. From: Justin Flecker Date: Monday 7 May 2012 2.14pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Lamp Is that meant to be a threat? Put something up in your window if you don't like the light, we lived here 5 years before you even moved into the neighborhood and got along perfectly with Ryan who lived at your property before you. We went to his BBQ's and I loaned him our mower. We get along with all our neighbors. I dont know what you people do in your own country but in this country we dont go onto other peoples property and touch their stuff. From: David Thorne Date: Monday 7 May 2012 3.37pm To: Justin Flecker Subject: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Dear Justin, In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically every living creature there can kill you in under three minutes. Our primary spoken language is screaming. I'm not surprised you get along well with all the other neighbours. If you put fifty children with Down's syndrome in a room there is going to be a lot of hugging. And no, it was not a threat. It was an exaggerated response to an uncompromising stance. I was taught never to make a threat unless you are prepared to carry it out and I am not a fan of carrying anything. Even watching other people carrying things makes me uncomfortable. Mainly because of the possibility they may ask me to help. I did consider installing a floodlight as bright as yours, but this would require some form of carrying things, electrical wiring knowledge, and access to a power supply capable of producing that amount of wattage. Probably fusion. As I am told off by my partner for wasting money when I leave the light on in the bathroom overnight, I can only speculate to what her reaction would be to an electricity bill eight times our annual income for retaliatory garden lighting. She would probably have to get a third job. It would be much cheaper to stand in my driveway and throw rocks. I can't help it if some of the rocks go across the road. You should probably put something up in your window. Regards, David. From: Justin Flecker Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 10.01am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Did you take our lamp again *********? What part about not being allowed to go on our property don't you get? From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 10.32am To: Justin Flecker Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Dear Justin, No, I did not take the light again. I relocated it again. Its current location may be discovered by deciphering the following set of clues to its whereabouts. Perhaps you could invite your friend Ryan over and treat it as a kind of treasure hunt: 1. It's in the letterbox again. 2. Look in the letterbox. As I realise this probably won't narrow it down much for you, I will give you a third clue in the form of a riddle: What burns with the light of a thousand suns and is in the letterbox? Regards, David. From: Justin Flecker Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 11.15am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp I put a smaller lamp in so you can shut the heck up now. Don't email me again and if you ever trespass on our property again I will press charges. From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 8 2012 12.02pm To: Justin Flecker Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Dear Justin, What if I have a barbecue and need to send you an invitation? Is it ok to email you then? Regards, David. From: Justin Flecker Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 12.18pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp No it's not ok. From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 12.27pm To: Justin Flecker Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Dear Justin, What if I need to borrow your lawn-mower? I can't invite people over for a barbecue and expect them to stand in long grass. Someone might be bitten by a snake. It's a safety issue. Regards, David. From: Justin Flecker Date: Tuesday 8 May 2012 3.26pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Lamp Go back to Austria! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RalloZ35 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Yeah! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redkneck Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Haha. Good for a laugh to start the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Lol! That is awesome.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gzilla45 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 That's hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OKstate Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 That makes my neighbors seem less irritating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 i'm laughing, and i do hope it's just a joke... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbHunterNY Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 yea steve i don't think you can make that stuff up. that's pretty funny. neighbor's a very eccentric individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetailfreak55 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 That's hilarious lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 He lasted a lot longer than I would. I would have had him arrested 10 emails ago after the gas threat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adjam5 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 This is funny...very funny considering I have been through EXACTLY the same issue with a neighbor by our country house/hunting property. But we didnt communicate with e mails. It was always the police telling him to stop wasting Gov't resources by calling for rediculous isues that have no merit. We leave our light on because our shed was broken into and a dirt bike was stolen. I have since installed HUGE high lumen, low wattage, Metal Halide fixtures that are so bright, I lease out space to Diamond cutters when they are on:D. I leave a old...non working trail cam high up on a tree as a diversion and warning not to even come on our property. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bowhunter97 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 that is awesome. Had me laughing the whole way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 LOL yeah that was pretty funny, wouldn't have been the same story if it was my neighbour though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c_lou Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Holy Cow that was one of the best back and forths I have ever read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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