Jeramie Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 One down.... probably several more to go. It all started last week with a post about skunks in my building and ends like this... I have a large pole light and they love to eat the bugs under it. The other night I saw one of my wife’s cats sitting in the drive staring at the light. I know that cat loves to watch skunks so I grabbed the 20ga and 2 #4 shells and slipped out.... It was kind of fun... I acted like a sniper under the cover of night. I squatted and basically crawled up behind the cellar, keeping the cat in sight so I could gauge his responses to the skunk’s activity. I looked over my shoulder to see the wife standing at the storm door waiting patiently. Like a navy seal I used two fingers and hand signals to tell my wife the plan of attack. It started with pointing to my face, making the walking motion with those two fingers, and then gestured around the cellar. The plan was flawless, however I did quickly realize I had forgot my face paint and boxers and a white t-shirt were not necessarily the best outfit for a stealthy attack against hostels. I looked back to my wife for conformation. Her brows covered her eyes by roughly 3/4 and she mouthed, What are you talking about? Just kill the stupid thing.... I had the go codes from command. I slipped to the edge of the cellar, reaching down along to way to smudge dew wetted dirt on my face for cover. I quickly fashioned a ghillie suit from an old feed sack sitting by the trash. I knew it wouldn’t blend into my surroundings but skunks do love horse feed so at the very least maybe he would be destracted by the brightly colored, 12% protein bag I was wearing. As I rounded the edge of the cellar I noticed the cat was missing. How could I be so careless? In my attempt to be an effect skunkinator I totally forgot one of the most important rules, never lose sight of the enemy. My informant had come up missing and it was all my fault. Was he being held for ransom? Would I get a letter in the mail containing three kitten toes or perhaps the length of trimmed whiskers? What if they torture him like putting tape on his feet, panty hose over his head, or even rubbing a balloon the wrong way against his fur to build a static charge? My God.... why did you create these creatures. They are nothing less than ruthless killers whose only way of being tracked is the scent they leave. They are like ninjas...stinky night ninjas that can enter any building and setup residence. They torture other small animals and help themselves to horse feed! My God the humani...... "Meow..." MY cover was blown. It was now or never. I scratched kitty for good luck. He purred, arched his back as if to say, "Delta bravo, we have a go." I rushed the last few seconds, it was all a blur. I rounded the cellar, firearm raised. There she was, her eyes like fire glowing in the luminescence of the pole light. Her teeth long and pointy.... and actually pretty white for a skunk. I wonder if they have a good dental plan?..... don’t lose focus... I bore down on her hard. Why didn’t I call for air support? What if she sprays, or has friends? It was sloppy, too sloppy but I had no choice, there I stood face to face with a killer...cold and unyielding... Her body pulsed, she puffed, her stature changed instantly and it all turned to slow motion, the training took over then. Her tail began to rise, I kicked off the safety, my finger found the trigger. The shotgun bucked under the explosion, the night lit up in a violent rage as a thousand tiny balls of heated death sought a lethal path through dark cold air to their target. She dropped, squirmed, and then went for her tail again. The action on the shotgun was smooth, the empty shell slammed to the gravel in the drive with a hollow plunk, plunk..... plunk. The next shell slid into the action and once again the shotgun bucked, spewing flame like a dragon claiming a village. It was over.... I stood with victory over the battle field looking at my fallen enemy. We really aren’t that different, her and I. We need the same things. Food, water, and can anybody find me....somebody to love... (sorry, I think I have A.D.D. and that really is a great song by Queen). "Did you get it?" She shouted from the door.. Yeah, yeah I got it...... "Daddy can I poke it with a stick?" "No girls... You stay inside. You don’t need to see this, just yet. Reality is hard. Life isn’t always beautifu....." "For the love of God hush and get that stupid thing away from the yard so it doesn't stink the place up.." "Yes dear...." It was at that point I realized, maybe she wasn’t so dangerous because she was a skunk. Maybe it was her nature. Maybe it was a cold ruthless animal because.....it was female! Dun...dun....dun......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redkneck Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I love it! And who said there wasn't anything to do in Okieland? Good you remembered your training and followed through with a double-tap! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redkneck Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Although it still wasn't as good as the time I kicked one, maybe next time you can try out without the gun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted May 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I love it! And who said there wasn't anything to do in Okieland? Good you remembered your training and followed through with a double-tap! I love good military movies... who knew that would pay off some day... I tried singing Lost That Loving Feeling to my wife later (from top gun). That training was not as effective as it was portrayed in the movie.... Oh, and fyi... women do not like the code name Goose. I tried that on the next time we went somewhere in her minivan. The Toyota does handle pretty well actually... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted May 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Probably not but it would have likely won you 10K on AFV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OKstate Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Thats one heck of a skunk story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 LOL! That's quite the story Jeramie, congrats on the victory! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Kat Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gzilla45 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome Agreed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome That was my first thought!! Great story!! Congrats on the skunk. I'm surprised it didn't spray. Usually a shotgun blast is a surefire way for them to squirt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bowhunter97 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 lol is there really apost of the year competition??? n great story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetailfreak55 Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Lol hilarious that cracked me up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddyboman Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Post of the year nominee right here....Awesome :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: :yes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawg Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Semper Fi, Soldier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin R10 man Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 congrats .... guess i woulda just said I shot a skunk.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 great story. you'd make the seals jealous...lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Great tale! Yep ruthless female! Next time be the feed sack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckrich Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Definitely post of the year! Have you found a publisher yet? I think you could put the Skunk Whisperer to shame... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted May 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Definitely post of the year! Have you found a publisher yet? I think you could put the Skunk Whisperer to shame... I have not... However, I fully intend to put a Novela on kindle some time in the next month. It will be my first attempt at publication, baring local news papers and a few blogs (fooo real). Publishing can be HARD so im going to try my hand at this new internet fad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ckrich Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Very cool. Let me know when it becomes availible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohiobucks Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 That could be a story in the back of an Outdoor Life, or similar hunting mag. Outstanding!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adjam5 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Incredibly descriptive. A great story line. Had my attention. Who knew killing a skunk could be so exciting. Bravo....Bravo!:toot: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Post of the year! Hilarious dude. Really should consider publishing this, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 LOL. Nice story there Jeramie, congratulations. You getting a full body mount done of your trophy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c_lou Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Very Nice story. I once stalked a mouse in nothing by a pair of shorts, hunting boots, oven mit, and crescent wrench. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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