Guest Andrea Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 My 12 yr old son came home yesterday with a letter from school about joining the school band. He was VERY excited. He is in the 5th grade and next year he would like to join beginner's band. My son has been in littlle league football but he is not very athletic. He's pretty small for his age and I don't expect him to excel in this sport. I have NEVER tried to sway him in any particular direction. He likes football and his father coaches. However...my husband is not happy with my son's decision to be in the band. I am very frustrated by this. I think it should be son's decision. If he doesn't want to play sports, fine, if he does, fine. I LOVE football, don't get me wrong. But am I right to feel that HE should make the choice...not my husband? I feel that my son would only stay in sports just to please his father. But he rarely gets to play and is the smallest kid in 5th grade. His dad played football in highschool til he broke his back and I was in the band. Oh yeah, our other son is 8 and is VERY athletic. But if he chose to stay in sports or be in music, I don't care. As long as they aren't "girly" and are involved in something...I feel they should decide. Am I wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norm Sauceman Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions He can still LOVE football and play an instrument too. BTW, I have seen kids who play musical instruments excell academically moreso than kids who were involved in sports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions The majority of the guys I was in sports with, were also in band.....and they were never looked down upon......actually were thought of as pretty cool, as they excelled in that, as well as sports........ And if not for the musical side of it, consider this.....it helps develop hand/eye coordination and timing........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jci63 Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Why can't he do both if he likes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions you're right huntin girl. there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to join the band, that should be HIS choice, not his dad's. i was in the two school bands when i was in high school, it was a blast, and a great experience. there was the jazz band and the blues guys. my parents encouraged me the whole time. its great for your son to find something he would enjoy doing, and i definetly think it should be his choice to join or not. the best thing for you to do is talk to your husband and try to make him realize that your son has found something that he would be interested in doing, and tell him that it would be better to encourage him, rather than discourage him. it is responsibility, your son has to realize it, but if his grades are good, and he's apt to do it, then theres no reason why he shouldnt be able to. Good Luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions At 12 years old I'm sure he can choose what he wants to eat, what to wear as in clothing. Heck yes he should be able to make his own sports choices and school activities. It sounds like he is turning into a man he wants more things to do and more responsibilities,. He'll get insecure about what he wants to do or become later in life if you or his father tries to make choices for him. I know a lot of guys and girls that wasn't athletic but stuck with the sport and became very good at what they did and more music and art kids are in the more they will excell in schooling. Let him play football let, him be in a band, cause it wouldn't be very good if he sat on his butt all day doing nothing. More choices in his life is better than having nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimT Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I do not see why he cannot do both either. If he can only do one, it should be his choice, not his fathers. The kid needs to make his own decision on this. No one should make it for him. Sounds like your husband does not want his ego bruised to me. That may sound harsh, but some parents are like this. Your going to be like me, not like you want to be...bla bla bla. Let the kid grow up doing what he wants. Jim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huntn4bucks Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Growing up my parents never PUSHED us into doing anything we didn't want to do...well besides taking out the trash, chores and stuff like that...but I digress. My parents have 4 sons including me. I have an older brother that played HS football and was a decent player. I also played HS football and went on to play at the college level. My next little brother also played and was a descent player. My youngest brother however plays in the band. He is really good and routinely performs solos during their concerts. Do my parents, other brothers, or I think any different of him because he didn't continue in his older brothers footsteps??? Not at all. Don't get me wrong. I think he should be playing football because he's going to be bigger than all of us but that's his choice. My parents haven't pushed him one way or the other...they let him decide. I guess what I'm saying...and I'm going to be frank...your husband should get over his phobias about boys in the band and let your son choose what makes him happy. He won't be the first boy to have ever played in the band. JMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andrea Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Well, my son loves football and I know that once you get into jr. high and highschool you CAN"T do both. So, he will have to make a choice sooner or later. Yeah, right now he can do both and I hope he does. I just don't understand why it would make his dad upset. It's not "girly" to be in the band. And my son is not feminine anyway. I told him if he was gonna be in the band he couldn't play the flute or the clarinet!! And this is the first time my son has really been excited about something. ( He hates school) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VTbowman Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I feel it should be what the kid wants and then the parents should support whatever that is... My son sounds to be built like yours and of coarse I would love for him to play every sport, nevertheless he just may not have the build or drive for it. This goes for archery and hunting which really bugs me. LOL Be easy on your hubby since its every guys dream of raising an athelete. But then again I dont know of to many "rock star" parents that complain much about their kids choice of career... LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillbilly Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions It has to be a man thing. It has to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c_lou Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I say let your son decide. I knew a lot of guys in the band that just didn't like to play organized sports. It was a way that they could stay involved with the school and sports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimPic Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Let your boy play music.Like any sport,it requires discipline,dedication and a rigid practice schedule.Let your son decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billkay Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions In the end, it's your son's life, he ought to be able to chose for himself in this case. I couldn't see trying to live my life vicariously through my son forcing him to be the things that I wanted for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffett1 Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I managed to play in sports and was in band too from 6th through 12th grade. I did just fine. It was a deiiicult stretch at times, but I have never regretted making my own decisions. By the way, it would deffinitely be cool if he played the drums. Drummers rule! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Forcing a kid to do something he/she doesn't want to do is bad brew IMHO. Let your son decide would be my advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texan_Til_I_Die Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Sounds to me like you've got two separate issues. First - What does the kid really want to do (and has some talent in that area)? He may not enjoy sports as much as he gets older if his talents aren't on a similar level with the rest of the kids. Also, what are his closest friends going to do? He'll have more fun if they're involved in the same activities. Second - What to do about Dad if your son chooses music? This is probably a lot tougher than the first one. I don't know what type of personality he has, so all I can do is generalize, but if he was involved in sports as a youth, he's probably trying to relive that time vicariously through his son. I think the best solution would be to have the boy sit down face to face with his Dad and tell him that he DOESN'T want to play sports, and he DOES want to be in music. Hearing it laid out in black and white might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andrea Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions My son will be whatever he wants to be. I would never stand in his way. So if and when he chooses to be in tha band he will have my full support. And though he may not get that same support from his father to begin with...maybe he will once he knows how much it means to his son. I hope so anyway. It's tough being a parent, that's for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nut Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I hope Dad see's the light in his son's eyes and ends up supporting whole hearted whatever he does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
horst Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Personaly, I hate sports, I never did get into them much.My son on the other hand goes out for everything, football,baseball, soccer, whatevers going on at the time.I goto his games and try not to discourage him from playing.I actually wish Id of tried band when I was in school, I love to hear guitars and wish i knew how to play one.so if my kid wantd to go out for band Id secretly be relieved, no more saturday mornings at the bal park for me Sounds to me like maybe dads just gonna have to learn to live with it if your sons really interested in band.Ive seen parents force thier kids to go out for sports before when they dont want to and it shows, the kids dont try to hard and the parents are usually on the sidelines screaming at em, its not a good scene.Let your kid do what makes him happy, their only young once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Yes I think your son should be able to make his own choice. BUT...I will say this. When I was in 5th grade I was in a similar situation. The band directors came to our class in 5th grade and did music tests and told everyone which insturment would fit them best. Alright, playing an insturment, that sounded fun. So my parents spent a load of money on a french horn for me to be in the band. I played in the 6th grade band and took lessons and it was "alright". Then after 6th grade, i figured out I was a big kid now and wanted to be cool and band wasnt cool. So that was the end of that.....after one year. I will also say that out of about 40 kids in our 6th grade band.........about 25 stuck it out for the 2nd year and less than 20 graduated in the band. As for the football thing. I played football 4th grade through my senior year in high scool. I wasnt the most athletic person and definately not the best on the team. But I had a love and a passion for the sport. For me, it wasnt about getting the most snaps in a game or being the star athlete and making the big plays. It was about pride in wearing my schools colors and running out onto the field through the band playin your fight song with your entire community in the stands supporting you. That is every little kids dream as they are growing up. I didnt do alot of things or was very popular....so football was my way of having my time in the spot light. I started my share of games and made some big plays and i always gave a 110% effort on the field, in practice, and in the off season....and i knew i wasnt the best or the strongest. The point is......you dont have to be big or be athletic to play a sport. Sometimes its another reason that gives you a love for the sport and keeps you going back for them grueling practices. Also keep in mind, you arent going to be able to play football forever. You will always be able to take music lessons and be in a band no mater how old you are.Thats just a couple things to think about from my experiences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bronco_mudder Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I think if he enjoys doing both, let him, if that what he wants. Then when the time comes that he has to choose which one that he wants to continue with he will have had the opportunity to try both for a while, and be able to make a better decision about which he prefers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions Discalmer: I'm a band director. I went to a pretty good sized school and was the smallest kid in my class. I liked sports, but did not excell in them, mostly because of my size. I am pretty athletic, but just wasn't big enough to compete. I went through the same kind of thing in the 5th grade and decided to join band. This was the single greatest decision I made as a child. By the end of the first year I had established myself as one of the best players in the school band. We had about 130 kids in the band. By the 8th grade I was playing solos in the marching band and belive me, you can get just as much or more thrill playing by yourself in front of 2000 people in the stands then running out with a team and sitting on a bench for an hour. By the end of the 10th grade I went from being a c-d student to consistantly making the honor roll. I contribute the self discipline of practicing to helping my study skills and raising my GPA. (as you can probibly tell it didn't help my spelling any) In high school I did grow alot became more athletic and cordinated at 5'6" and 140 lbs I could bench 220, curl 160 and leg press over 1300lbs. I dated girls on the chearleading and dance teams and had friends in band, choir and athletics. My point: being in band does not make you a geek or nerd or weak. I went to college on a band scholarship, traveled with the band all over the country and played solos center court in front of over 20,000 people. I've been to 5 bowl games, 2 nit tournaments 4 NCAA Basketball tournaments including 2 final 4's have gone to NY, DC Europe and the Bahama's because I was in band. I met Shaquille O'neal, Lee Greenwood, Ray Stevens, Jimmy V., Roger Stawback, Larry Johnson, Larry Byrd, Bill Clinton (woopdeedoo). I also played in baskettball band with a guy named Isaac Davis. He was an all-state trumpet player in Arkansas and happened to play in the Offencive line for the Razorbacks. He is currently in the NFL playing (Can't remember what team) I don't think he thought band was for the weak. I've been teaching now for 12 years and make 3 times what our average 2 income families make in the town where I teach. My main point. Everyone is good at something, some people have the luxury of being good at more than one. If he wants to do it, it could be the thing that makes him happy and successful. I preached a funeral last week of one of my former band students. I'm not a preacher, but her parents wanted me to do it because they felt that I (and band) did more for thier daughter than any preacher ever did. It's more than notes on a page and noise comeing out. Sometimes it's a life changing experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strut_Buster Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I'm in band and football and track. Been to state in both. I think you husband is totaly wrong. I wasn't big in 5th grade and not very athletic. I grew, hit the wieght room. I played varsity football 2 years and have been on varsity track for 3 years. Band. I think its cool that he wants to. I personaly play the trombone. That don't make this state athlete a whimp. I'm not the best in band, but its fun. I would tell your man to take a pill. Why he would be upset about that i don't know. Music builds coordniation and rythm. I don't think I would be a complete athlete without it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OJR Posted March 24, 2005 Report Share Posted March 24, 2005 Re: need guys\' opinions I just think your husband is completely wrong! Let the young man decide what HE wants to do, not what your husband wants him to do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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