Team Realtree Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 "JACK O'LANTERN FOUND DEAD" By Guy Sagi Rogue Reporter WASHINGTON, DC (November 1, 2003) - Jack O'Lantern, a well-known autumn visitor to the area, was found dead yesterday in Randolph Park by joggers. A spokesman for the police department said his death is being investigated as a homicide, indicating O'Lantern, an Irish-emigre, had multiple knife wounds near his eyes, nose and mouth. The medical examiner announced early this morning that an autopsy revealed a severe laceration encircled Mr. O'Lantern's scalp and that most of the victim's brain matter had been drained. Although brain draining is often associated with ancient satanic rituals, authorities speculate O'Lantern's recent decision to accept employment within the Beltway, another location historically known for brain draining, may have been the ultimate cause of his demise. Burn marks about the inside of O'Lantern's skull remain unexplained. Friends, who asked to remain anonymous, said they were shocked at his death, and that he was never involved with paganism, Satanism, or any of the animal rights movements. Authorities are asking witnesses who might have seen something suspicious the night of October 28th in or near Randolph Park, or grocery store clerks who have recently sold a paring knife or undue amount of nutmeg, to contact the city's victim witness hotline. Mr. O'Lantern is survived by three pumpkin pies and 10 pumpkin cookies. He was preceded in death by his wife, Ms. Jacqueline O'Lantern, who died in an eerily similar incident last year. In lieu of flowers the family is asking donations be made in Mr. O'Lantern's name to his old fraternity, I-H8-Pi (pronounced I HATE PIE). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snapper Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Too much free time Scott! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popgun Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Sick story, sick sick, sick. [image] [/image] .....popgun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" hoo boy now's the time where we need that little dude that rolls his eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huntn4bucks Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Pretty entertaining reading Scott! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimT Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" LOL.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" HappY Halloween! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" [ QUOTE ] hoo boy now's the time where we need that little dude that rolls his eyes. [/ QUOTE ] I concur..... that was just bad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OJR Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" And I thought that only RyanH posted trivia!!! WOW!!!! LMBO!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
total disaster Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" LOL good one!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gus Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c_lou Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanH Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Yea thats a pretty good one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fisherguy Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Lol, that is a god one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeNRA Posted October 29, 2004 Report Share Posted October 29, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Cute Scott. BTW have you seen any other posts in here about the forums? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archerjg Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" That is funny. Archerjg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illinoisbowhunter Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" Good one scott! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted October 30, 2004 Report Share Posted October 30, 2004 Re: \"JACK O\'LANTERN FOUND DEAD\" LOL. Pretty good one Scott. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrAzYCoYoTe Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 How does a Jacko'lantern die???? Does the fire go out??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted July 11, 2007 Report Share Posted July 11, 2007 CrAzYCoYoTe said: How does a Jacko'lantern die???? Does the fire go out??? Knife wounds. Did you read the story, or just the title? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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