Hilarious Chain Mail "Thank you"

[Guest bexar_county89]

I know that most of you on here have an e-mail of which your friends/strangers send you chain mails read this it's actually kinda funny:

I want to thank you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your

>chain letters over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe,

>secure, blessed, and wealthy.

>

> I must say "thanks" to whoever sent me the one about the rats in the

>glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope

>that needs sealing. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same

>reason

>

> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can

>remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people

>who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on

>their cans.

>

> I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

>

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be

>pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing

>deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

>

> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a

>perfume sample and rob me.

>

> I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al

>Qaeda in disguise.

>

> I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our

>American troops or the Salvation Army.

>

> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

>number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,

>Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

>

> I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant

>freaks with no eyes or feathers.

>

> I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and

>leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice

>

> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my

>free replacement pair from Nike.

>

> I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have

>their recipe.

>

> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking

>out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

>

> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I

>forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

>minutes.

>

> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is

>about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

>

> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive

>the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in

>their special e-mail program.

>

>Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now

>return the favor!

>

> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CST)

>this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing

>you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually

>happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second

>husband's cousin's beautician!

[deerhunter10]

Re: Hilarious Chain Mail \"Thank you\"

> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be

>pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing

>deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thats hilarious.

[BowtechTurkeyHunter]

Re: Hilarious Chain Mail \"Thank you\"

Lol thats pretty good there! some truth to that.

[Guest chicks_hunt_to]

Re: Hilarious Chain Mail \"Thank you\"

that is good

[joebobhunter4]

Re: Hilarious Chain Mail \"Thank you\"

haha thats great!