The Tackiest Gift:

popgun

By popgun
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popgun

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On another thread someone mentioned receiving a tacky gift, and it reminded me of the tackiest gift I ever gave anyone.

I have mellowed a lot over the years, and probably would not do this now. But then again.....Maybe I would.

The Tackiest Gift:

Before I begin this story I feel I must give you a little background first.

For almost 35 years I hated the Christmas Season.

I loved what Christmas was supposed to be, but hated what it had become.

You see….I was the only mailman in our growing town.

I had no help during the Christmas Season, and the work during December was simply overwhelming. I had over 1200 customer addresses to deliver every day, and they all expected December to be no different than any other month when it came to the service they required from their mailman.

One of my customers, who was also one of the deacon’s wives in our little church, simply hated me, and there seemed to be nothing that I could do or say that could make things better. The original cause of this hatred she had for me is a different story, which I will be glad to tell later if you wish.

This customer, which I will refer to as Mrs. Mc had a beautiful daughter who was getting married on the 1st of January. Mrs. Mc was very well known in town and invited literally hundreds of people. Some were from out of state but most were locals.

She gathered all of her hundreds of invitations together and mailed them a week in advance from a small town near here called Romance. She thought it would be cute to have wedding invitations postmarked in Romance, Arkansas. I guess it would have been cute if her plan had worked.

On January 5th, she came into the Post Office steaming mad. Most of her invitations did not get delivered to the local residents in time for the wedding, and naturally she blamed me. She told the Postmaster that we had an ongoing feud, and that I had purposely held up the delivery of her precious invitations.

The Postmaster was not entirely convinced of my innocence, and soon I was talking to Postal Inspectors. To my surprise, after speaking to me, the Postal Inspectors actually went to some of the people she had invited and actually investigated the allegations.

What the investigators found out was that Mrs. Mc had addressed all her invitations with a computer, and that every one of her invitations had been addressed with the same out-of-state zip code.

Each one of these invitations went all the way to Oregon before being corrected and returned to our little town.

I was completely exonerated, but the pressure had clearly taken its toll on me and my holiday attitude.

The woman never came into the office and apologized, nor did she ever make any mention that she had been wrong.

Around the middle of January her birthday rolled around and she invited everyone in the church choir to attend. I did not want to go, but due to the insistence from my wife I relented.

Everyone in the choir decided to bring gag gifts.

It just so happened, that our Post Office was throwing out all the unsold Zip Code Directories from the previous year.

I quickly tagged one and wrapped it for Mrs. Mc.

Everyone at her party understood the joke behind the gift except her.

If there is any moral to this story at all, it must be; to never underestimate the tackiness of your mailman, especially if he is me.

….popgun

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