Things You Will Never Hear.

[slugshooter]

These were printed in a local community paper here in Fayetteville, NC called Up and Coming. The contributer is Alex Lekas who used to be a local news commentator. I thought they were pretty good so I figured I would retype them here.

Things you will never hear from:

-The next person called to testify before a congressional committee: "Though I appreciate your political need to grandstand for the cameras, I would rather you stop wasting my time and get to the real questions. And if you're done lecturing, let me remind all of you that I don't work for you; you work for me and the rest of us who voted you into office. Now, does anybody have a real question because I have work to do?"

-Any bureaucrat at any level of government: "My department has enough people and money to do the job. As a matter of fact, we're a little bloatedso we're giving taxpayers some of their money back."

-A secularist: "I understand America was founded on Judeo-Christian principles, that spirtuality matters greatly to the majority, and that the First Amendment says that's OK."

-A Christian: "I understand that my faith does not hold exclusive license to spirituality, that the US is big enough for followers of other religions and for those who follow none, and the First Amendment says that's OK too."

-An athlete after signing a mega-bucks deal: "Of course it's about the money. I like winning, too, but did you see all those zeroes? You wouldn't turn it down either."

-The National Organization for Women: "Men and Women are different, and that's the way nature intended it to be. Their complimentary strengths and abilities are necessary for balance in both the workplace and the home. As long as women can make the choices that best suit them, what do we care what those choices are?"

-Television news anchors on the latest poll based story: "We'll pretend again to have taken the nations pulse on some issue that has virtually no impact in your daily lives but is sure to generate an emotional reaction, something like abortion, gay marriage, or school prayer. Frankly, chasing real news is hard work and this suit is too expensive for me to sweat in."

A Muslim leader: "Terrorism begins and mostly ends, with our people. However, many of us spend more time getting bent out of shape over profiling than we do about the reasons behind it. Muslims faithful to the teachings of Islam must reel in and denounce those who threaten us all."

Anyone in the entertainment field: Of course we're trying to influence behavior. Aren't you watching and/or listening? The more successful we are in convincing you that the outlandish, the outrageous, and the outcast are the mainstream, the more you will question the validity of traditional institutions, which is what we're after in the first place."

-Global warming watchers: "After looking at record high and low temperatures, we find absolutely no lasting trends in either direction and no evidence that man has had a role in the fluctuations.

-An honest democrat to Al Gore: "Your 15 minutes ended an hour and a half ago, and aside from keeping Howard Dean out of the papers, you're not helping. You don't plan to run again do you?"

-An honest Republican to Pat Robertson: "Between suggesting that God struck down the leader of Israel and that the US strike down Venezuelas president, you're beginning to sound like Al Gore."

-New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin: "I was so busy blaming everyone else that most of you didn't even notice that this city has an administration and that I run it. As such, my staff and I must accept responsibility for the pathetic response to Hurricane Katrina and for holding my finger pointing sessions in dry, air conditioned settings while the water was rising all around."

Former Senator John Edwards: "Don't you love it when a multi-millionaire like me adopts poverty as his pet issue? At this point, I'll never worry about paying the bills again so I can pander to any group that is looking to someone else to solve the problems it either can't or won't solve itself."

[stevebeilgard]

Re: Things You Will Never Hear.

good ones, sluggo. yep, you'll never hear most of that.

[BowJoe]

Re: Things You Will Never Hear.

I actually like what you put here sluggo. See we can agree on things. By the way, you make for some great debates. I don't mean anything personal by my replies. I just enjoy the debate and getting to voice my oppinion.

[Texan_Til_I_Die]

Re: Things You Will Never Hear.

Good stuff right there!

[okbowman]

Re: Things You Will Never Hear.

Excellent post!