doughboy1956 Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 PLEASE-----NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE----THAT PART WAS PUT IN FOR THE STORY LINE!!!! Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.0 0 ========================================================== Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for addition al 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 36) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total - - $4,165.00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hunterDWL Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HarvDog Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE Very funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdvantageTimberLou Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE funny but ain't that the truth for some! Thanks for sharing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okbowman Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE That's pretty funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OntHunter Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE lol thats a good one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ny_gun Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE You could replace that beer with coffee, and I can still relate to that I change my oil the girlee way now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE Seen this one several times, still really funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted March 13, 2006 Report Share Posted March 13, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE LMAO!! That is hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Washi Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. "Jiffy Lube" and "properly maintained vehicle" should never be used in conjuntion with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntnMa Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE that is sooooooooooooooo not right, lol.........i send the hubby to the store to buy the stuff i need, then I do it myself, all the maintance, then IIIIIII have a beer, lol.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arrow32 Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE LOL!! That happend to me when i helped change my moms oil minus the beer. Good read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin R10 man Posted March 14, 2006 Report Share Posted March 14, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE hey.I do it myself if the weather is ok, and I have time..otherwise...Jiffy lube is where I go too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LETMGROW Posted March 16, 2006 Report Share Posted March 16, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE 9/16 wrench? How long has it been since you changed oil? Most drain plugs are metric now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted March 16, 2006 Report Share Posted March 16, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE nice, very funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puffy Posted March 16, 2006 Report Share Posted March 16, 2006 Re: OIL CHANGE Good one! LOL It's no cheaper doing it yourself than to have it done by some garages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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