STUFF MAMA SHUDDA LEARNT YA

doughboy1956 · March 27, 2006

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still

considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

***DINING OUT ***

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers

covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may

not have dogs.

***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a

taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners

are.

***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be

done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.

However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to

detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

***DATING (Outside the Family) ***

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to

go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.

***WEDDINGS ***

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a

clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, sa y "yes" to socks and shoes for this special

occasion.

***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***

1. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires

always has the right of way.

2. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

3. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to

ask her to bring back beer.

4. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Shawn · March 28, 2006