The Ant & The Grasshopper!

OJR · April 20, 2006

Subject: The Ant and the Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer

long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant

is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out

in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer

long, building his house and laying up supplies for

the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and

dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press

conference and demands to know why the ant should be

allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold

and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide

pictures of the

shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in

his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this

be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor

grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper,

and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy

Being Green".

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the

ant's house where the news stations film the group

singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group

kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with

Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back

of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax

hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and

Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of

the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a

proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing

left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is

confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the

grasshopper in a

defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried

before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed

from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up

the last bits of the ant's food while the government

house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old

house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain

it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The

grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident

and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang

of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful

neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican

Texan_Til_I_Die · April 20, 2006