Oh Canada!

[OJR]

If only this were really happening!

OJR

This just in:

Winnipeg Herald, Manitoba Canada

June 2, 2006

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected

higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged

conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney

hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species

on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said

[wtnhunt]

Re: Oh Canada!

That is pretty good Orlan.

[MagnoliaHunter]

Man is Canada going to hate us now.

First acid rain, then the beef trouble, and now liberals. I only wish it was true.

Maybe we could do it like a deer drive, we'll push them through and you Canadians shoot them when they come by.

[Guest INHunterman]

Re: Man is Canada going to hate us now.

[ QUOTE ]

Maybe we could do it like a deer drive, we'll push them through and you Canadians shoot them when they come by.

[/ QUOTE ]

Now that's hilarious!

[Canadian_Goose]

Re: Man is Canada going to hate us now.

Thats it, we have to close off our boarders. What if they start posing as hunters coming up. This could be a serious problem. I'll tell you what, we might as well round up all the liberals and send em your way cuz I can't deal with their carp anymore.

[buckee]

Re: Man is Canada going to hate us now.

I heard the prairie farmers are offering them jobs in the fields. They are told to lay down in the fields to listen to the wheat grow. While they are enthralled with the sounds they hear with their ears to the ground, the farmers are plowing them under.

It's a horror story, no doubt, but the fields seem to be growing well.

[MagnoliaHunter]

Re: Man is Canada going to hate us now.

The only horror is if they miss some.