How to help a 2nd grader?

[Newarcher]

I posted before about my son's behavior....which has gotten better and he even had a note that he was having a terrific week. It seems that us parents backing off a bit has helped.

However, now my son is bringing home mixed bag of grades from his schoolwork. Some he gets 100's on and some he gets 50's, 60's and 70's on. We try to address the things that he gets low grades on and they are things that he has done before and knows. He can't tell us why he missed them.

One item of note is that most of the ones where he gets bad grades only have three or four questions on the work. If he misses one, that's already a 67 or 75% right there.

I don't really care for the teacher that much but at the same time, he gets progress reports tomorrow and I am just fearful of what grades he will get.

Any ideas for inspiring smart children who just don't seem to be able to stay on track? I am just fearing he might fail second grade and the humiliation that comes along with that.

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[Swamphunter]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I'm not sure New if positive re-enforcement is the answer or quite the opposite. I would talk with the teacher and the school counselor and see what they recommend. Sorry to not be of any help, but my oldest is in 1st grade.

[Guest Dust]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

This is going to sound like a proud dad talking but it is meant to try and help. My middle daughter is well beyond her level. The problem is she is to smart. She has this problem with getting done to quickly and getting bored therefore being a disruption to other students.

We had a similar problem last year with her starting to miss things that there was no way she should have missed. We found out that she is so use to being the first one done that no matter what she was going to keep it that way. What happened was she went through it to quickly and was misreading the questions. We were able to get her to slow down and have not had any problems since. The teachers have found things to keep her busy while the others still work and that has helped also. Just a thought.

[007hunter]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Take away privleges (sp) In my case it was normally hunting, that normally straightened me out pretty quick. Don't think that would work on a 9 year old. Maybe reducing tv time during the week until grades get better??

Edit: I just read Dusts post and his 2nd paragraph is very true. I remeber when I was younger that it was a race to get done first. Don't know why or what was so special, must be a kid mentality....

Disclaimer: I don't have any kids so I'm just throwing out suggestions....

[Guest Andrea]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Hmmmmmmmm.............I have no idea. I can't even get my 7th grader to do HIS work. He's not stupid. He just has NO desire whatsoever to do his school work.

So far we have taken everything away from him. He has no life. No tv, no phone, no 4-wheeler, no friends over, no playing outside, no nothing. He literally comes in from school, walks his dog then sits down at the dining room table and does homework til bedtime.

It takes him FOR-EVER. I have to constantly remind him to get busy.

He just doesn't care.

We've had to warm the seat of his britches several times. And still nothing is helping. His grades are horrible and I'm afraid he will fail this year barring some miracle.

I wish I knew what to tell you about your son. It all sounds too familiar. The medicine helped a lot but lately it seems to be just pure laziness.

It's driving me crazy.

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Nothing really works with ours....no TV, fine. no video games, fine. and so on. I race home after sitting in traffic for two hours trying to get to work, 9 hours at work, an hour and a half getting home from work just so that I can take him to cub scouts and see him get his badges. The thanks I got is that he just kept on being a complete A$$ until we yelled at him over not getting his uniform on. Then when we got home from the meeting itself, he intentionally clowned getting ready for bed until...again....we yelled at him.

I am honestly so sick and tired of him, I really just do not want to come home most days because I just really cannot stand the way he acts. He is disrespectful, mean, contemptuous, and pretty much a jerk to the entire family. He is starting to affect our marriage and to be honest with you, if I knew that sending a 7 year old to military school would work...I would.

I know, I know....spank him, wear him out, ground him forever, etc. We have done it all and nothing works.

I am at this point going to have him tested for ADD or whatever else because short of something like ADD, he is just plain evil. He is just simply not happy unless and until he makes someone so mad that they lose control. He keeps pushing and pushing and pushing until someone snaps.

I really and truly love him dearly but he is just driving me mad right now. I have the entire family to support and am doing the best I can at that and at work. I have minor health issues going on that I am dealing with on top of all of this. To come home to this beast day in and day out is exhausting. Add the fact that we now have to worry about the beast failing 2nd grade because he is either too dumb or not willing or not able to put in the work to succeed. He isn't dumb, he's is quite smart. I am at my wits end right now. I don't want him on medications but anything would have to be better than this.

Some of this is tongue and cheek....so don't nobody go calling CPS on us! Right now I am so frustrated I could just spit.

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[Guest ginny33]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I think it maybe a phase they go through....I have a 2nd grader who is doing the same thing. He would rather goof off then get his work done. I am glad to hear I'm not the only one with this problem. I was getting alittle worried .

Thanks for the post , though I cannot offer any help.

I have done things like making him write his spelling words 5 times each that he misses on tests and when he brings home the list at the beginning of the week, I also make him write the words 3 x's each night. It has helped the grade go from all D's to A's and B's. My husband has also offered a reward of $10 if the progress report comes home with all passing grades and good behavior for each of the nine weeks inbetween reports. They like money...lol..so that seems to be working right now.

[BowtechsWife]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Last year my youngest daughter was struggling in school. My best friend pointed out that I had a tendency to worry about her grades too much. I would push her to study her words nightly, flash cards, etc. I know she is very intellegent, so I was frustrated. Anyway, when she brought home a good paper I would respond with "see I told you could do it" then I would harp on a paper she didn't do well on.

Anyway this year my friend and I decided to complain to each other about our kids grades. We have set down study rules recommended by the kids teachers (write spelling words x times a night, x many math problems, etc. ) If a bad paper is brought home we just ask if they did their best. Good papers we overly celebrate with the kids.

Oddly enough my daughter has only brought home 2 bad papers this year, she smiles when doing homework, etc.

I don't know if this would work in your situation, but thought I would share my solution.

Good luck kids are highly challenging.

[Guest Dust]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

If anyone comes up with a solution for a smart mouth 15 1/2 year old let me know.

Here is the things I observe. My oldest is as mouthy as all can be. Not to me so much but to her mother when she thinks I can't hear it. So the youngest sees this going on and thinks hmmm let me give this a try and is the same way except she even does it with me. Now just like all of you I have tried every and any thing I can think of. Now the oldest has some issues knowing my wife is not her real mother and has never met her real mother. So I take that into account that she is lacking a part of her life that she has yet to figure out how to put together. However I want them to be able to talk to me. That is all I want them to do. I have found the easiest way to get them to open up is just taking them 1 on 1 on a Sunday drive with me. I also found that as a parent I thought I was listening to what they were saying to me. When we are alone and talking without it any distractions, I have found I never was actually listening to what they were trying to tell me I just thought I was. I try to do this in a vehicle away from the traffic areas. Just a gravel road drive. This keeps them from just walking off or their mind from doing whatever they do when running around town. My kids have a tendency to mess with mom more than dad. They understand (not the 8 year old) that I may not be around this world long due to some health issues I have. I know they are scared and I feel the are rebelling because they don't know what to do.

The drive thing may not work for you like it does me but it's worth the shot.

[OJR]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I sure am glad that my 2 boys are on their own and I don't have to think of stuff like that anymore!!

Not much help from me! I do however, feel for all you because I have gone through it and know what it is like!!!

[AdvantageTimberLou]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Any chance of rewarding him for good grades? C's get nothing but A's & B's get him something he might want or priviledges he might not get all the time.

Hate to bribe him but hate to see him have to re-do 2nd grade....his friends will move on and he won't. That will be very hard for him!

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Well, I do feel better....I was just having a night last night.

He is exceptionally bright and is able to work fluently on computer programs or other things that interest him. He is a great reader. It just seems that if something isn't self explanatory, he struggles with it. For instance, math problems....easy. Reading a paragraph and inferring information from it and extending that information to answer questions like "given the story would Ralph rather have a gun or a bow and arrow?".

I really don't know what to do. I feel like the worse parent in the entire world and worry about what all this is doing to his self-esteem.

Well, today is report card and he has wanted this toy forever and we told him when his report card came out and if it was good, he would get it. Well, I talked to him this morning and told him to be sure to bring it home no matter what grades he got. He said he would and then said "well, I guess the grab-o-matic is out of the question". I felt terrible for him that he knew he was not going to get good grades and knew he couldn't have the toys.

I dunno what to do. I dont' want to sentence him to a life of psychological medications by starting now but I also don't want him to fail school or underachieve because we didn't. I don't know what to do.

Being a parent SUCKS! Now I know why my Dad was always in such a foul mood.....and I was a PERFECT kid.

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[buffett1]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I am an assistant principal at a K-8 school and I see things like this quite often. Here would be my suggestions...1.) Find that 1 thing that drives him or keeps his attention the most...and use it as a positive reward...even participate with him...2.) Even though you don't care for the teacher you need to develop a relationship that has regular communication so that you can understand what is going on at school and they know about home...it just helps piece together the puzzle sometimes....3.) Work with the teacher to develop a daily status report on his participation and class work. If he is working hard, he needs to be praised for it....and finally, it might just be a stage he is going through. I have seen kids that worked like this in the past and then for no good reason, they wake up one day and put it all together. Don't give up hope, it will work out.

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

[ QUOTE ]

I am an assistant principal at a K-8 school and I see things like this quite often. Here would be my suggestions...1.) Find that 1 thing that drives him or keeps his attention the most...and use it as a positive reward...even participate with him...2.) Even though you don't care for the teacher you need to develop a relationship that has regular communication so that you can understand what is going on at school and they know about home...it just helps piece together the puzzle sometimes....3.) Work with the teacher to develop a daily status report on his participation and class work. If he is working hard, he needs to be praised for it....and finally, it might just be a stage he is going through. I have seen kids that worked like this in the past and then for no good reason, they wake up one day and put it all together. Don't give up hope, it will work out.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, thank you for the great feedback....very relative also.

I think part of it is that we have been pressuring him too much and reminding him daily....do your best, don't get any conduct checks, don't get any bad grades. We backed off the conduct checks and he has improved that.

With regards to his grades, it may be that he is just putting too much pressure on himself and we are heaping it on him also. I am wondering if we let up on him and let him get a bad grade now and then and see the results, that might motivate him.

Either way, thanks for the input. Report cards come out today and he has been wanting a new toy desperately. I talked with him this morning before school to remind him to bring home the report card, even if it wasn't perfect and that we would deal with the grades. The poor lad said "well, I guess I won't be getting my new toy". I wanted to just grab him up through the phone and hug him.

I think we have a lot going on. Overbearing parents who expect perfection and his sister is four years younger than him. He gets in trouble for being mean to her or pushing her (very mild pushing) and is prone to try to boss her. I think the bossing is just an extension of trying to have some measure of control over something or someone.

Truthfull, I dislike the teacher immensely. If her classroom skills aren't better than orientation when things were terribly disorganized, then no wonder. I also think that a teacher shouldn't sound like she just fell off a southern turnip truck in her slow southern drawl. I also don't think that 2nd graders should be given two question assignments to where if they miss only one question, they get a 50%. Yes, they missed half but they are 2nd graders.

Aye aye aye, these kids.

Thanks for the input, your position is extremely revelant and a great help.

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[Tominator]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Have to make it interesting for him, and it's probably your job to do so if the teacher is meeting that requirement. Sad to say at that age, not all teachers have the greatest style for the style learner you son is. We ran into that last year and 2 years ago with the same teacher where my kids go. Heck, I developed a real disliking for her. She was very demanding of the kids, and required a lot of homework/busy work. I talked teacher to teacher with her on more than a few occasions that seemed to help for awhile, but she would fall back into her usual ways. In the end we played the game, and that required me sitting down with my kids on a nightly basis for 2 years. I'd annotate everything, write notes, correspond, etc. etc. It was quite the hassle. I told my wife if they move Mrs. K up with Mike, I'm going to do something about it.

No easy answers New. Don't think punishment is the answer, just gonna have to sit down with the little guy and work through it.

Good luck

[buffett1]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Again, I feel strongly that encouraging the positives will help tremendously. With the report card thing...reward him for improvement and growth, not just the letter grades and percents. If he has learned and shown improvement in areas, concentrate on those things. As far as the homework, I think it is a bit rediculous for any grade K-5 to count homework as part of a students grade, they should be measuring the progress and mastery of skills at those levels...(if you want to shake the teacher up, ask her how many standards your son has mastered and how the homework pertains to his accomplishment of doing so...really screw it to her...but in a positive way...)

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Will do buffett1, thanks.

It is hard as a parent schooling a child for the first time to gain a sense of perspective. We may be getting this classwork back with bad grades just as an FYI. His report card may be okay. It is, however, hard to overcome a 50%.

We will see how this report card works out and go from there. He is such a good hearted child, I just want him to succeed.

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[ParrotHead2005]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I taught 2nd grade for 5 years before moving to 5th. Bufett1 is right like the teacher or not you have to work together. I have parents that I dont like but you have to put on the act and remember your there for the children. And I know I have parents that dont like me. It s part of life.

I know in my district all we teach are the state standards and some of those we call power standards that we hit harder.

Buffett where are you at?

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Well, let me clairify about the teacher.

I personally think that she is very disorganized, seemingly ADD herself, she has a very poor demeanor, and has terrible grammer. Having said that, we established a good rapport with her and have email communications when she needs something good or bad. I am not blaming her in any way for the troubles.

I clearly understand that my son has to find a way through this. He can't hand pick his teachers and must find a way to achieve regardless. My problem is how to motivate a stubborn 7 year old to do it or if I just be consistent and wait him out. If I wait and he doesn't respond, the problem could be that he fails second grade....which he doesn't need!

Ah well, let's see what today holds. Maybe he will surprise us with better than expected performance.

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[wtnhunt]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

Got to praise the good work he/she does. Positive reinforcement in my opinoin is so critical. Dont be real negative on the poor grades, but instead offer help to figure out why he is missing the problems.

Some teachers, not to turn this into bashing anyone, but some teachers in my opinion really need to be doing something other than attempting to teach our children. My oldest last year went from a straight A student in the third grade to making C's in math in the 4th grade. She hated math. The teacher would not listen to us, I suggested she needed tested for gifted, and the teacher agreed, put never followed through despite my discussions with the teacher. Some teachers just will not work with you. When I told this teacher my daughter was taking 2 hours to do her homework each night the teacher claimed my daughter must have been doing some other kids homework and laughed . My daughter was bored to death, and getting distracted so she would not focus on timed and on other math tests and would end up not finishing tests in math she was taking at school, nor would she get her homework she did in math turned in. This year she is in the 5th grade in a new school, and is doing great in math, and she actually is liking it. Teachers can make a huge difference for kids if they truly have the desire to teach, unfortunately not every teacher out there has that in them.

[ParrotHead2005]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

I have to agree. I didnt take grades on homework in 2nd. I did not give much in 2nd. I dont give much in 5th. They lose it or don't do it. Plus if they do it at school I know they are doing it and no one else.

I know its tough I have about 6 kids this year getting C's,D's, and F's because they wont do anything and they are really A/B students.

I have had some parents in the past take everything out of the childs room except for the bed. The child came home and went to the room. Only to leave to eat. After about 2/3 weeks the child decided they didnt like it and wanted to change and did change but the parents held on for another week or so with no stuff to prove a point. Others have tried it and it has not worked.

Does your school have a counselor your child can talk to? Maybe they will open up to them?

[Newarcher]

Re: How to help a 2nd grader?

All great ideas.....

I am hesitant to take too hard a line for a couple reasons. He is trying, I will give him that. He has recently started doing his homework eagerly and without much trouble for us. So that is good. If he wasn't doing his classwork at school and was being a major pain or discipline problem, I might come down on him hard.

At this point, I am just going to back off. I will try to identify things that are giving him trouble from the report card and supplement where appropriate.

I am also going to talk with his teacher from last year who we live near. She knows Nicholas and can give us some perspective on how much credence we should be giving this whole thing. We may be going overboard.

The main thing I don't want to do is crush his spirit and ruin his self confidence and self esteem. I think we are on the cusp of a breakthrough where he can associate cause and effect with his behavior.

However, at 7 years old, he doesn't always understand what he is feeling and isn't able to express what is bothering him.

I think the counselor or an outside therapist might help us figure out where we need to let up and focus.

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