Newarcher Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I'll just say right now that no one is harder on my son than I so I am not a parent who is searching for a way to get my child out of anything. However, my son is having trouble in his 2nd grade class. He is getting checks (for negative conduct) from his teacher along with notes and even a call last week. The call was warranted on its surface but given some issues my son is having with a severe phobia of peanut butter (he is allergic), they can be partially explained away. Sometimes he can go without getting any checks a full week and sometimes he gets three a day. We have ran the gammet of discipline from restriction, to lost privliges, to spankings, etc. If anything, we have been overly hard on him. When my wife went for the first conference after report cards, our son wasn't far off the average. However, the class averages in all subjects were very low. Most subjects were in the mid to high 70's and two were in the mid to high 80's. None of the class averages were A's. Now that tells me she is an ineffective teacher. From the first night I met her, I didn't like her. She is abrasive and very almost curt--if she teaches the way that she interfaces with parents, no wonder he is butting heads with her. Her packets for the parents on orientation night were incomplete and she seems very disorganized....often forgetting to communicate with parents. And I don't know, but I don't think when talking to a parent and the word 'ideeeee' comes out of your mouth instead of 'idea', there is a problem. My wife attended the party today and said that out of all the boys and most of the girls, our son was the most well behaved. On the weekend, our son is fine except for normal sibling garbage that all kids have. So I know that he can behave and act normal. If anything he is a little immature for his age. And honestly, he does have bad days as do we and all other kids. We have an appointment with my son's pediatrician to talk to her about him....I suppose as a precursor to testing for a learning problme or ADD/ADHD....but that really doesn't feel right. I simply don't know what the solution is. If it is that this ogre of a teacher is brow beating our son, I want him switched to a different class. If it is that he cannot or will not behave, I want to continue with testing (because we have all but beaten him). But how in the WORLD do you know? I sure would HATE to put him on some medication and have the truth be that this teacher is an idiot. He does tend to get overly angry at times, but there again it could be explained by a horrible teacher and parents who are coming down very hard on him. I am at a loss as to whether we just try to survive this teacher and see what happens next year, try to have him switched to a diffferent class, or put him on some kind of ADD medication (assuming he is evaluated and found to have ADD or ADHD). I just don't know if this is normal 8 year old boy stuff that the teacher cannot handle or if he really has a problem. Any thoughts? Thanks, New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowhntr Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long) Just my opinion but it does sound like the teacher could be the root of the problem. Personally, I loathe these new ADD medications and that would be my last resort. Call a few other parents of kids in the same class and compare notes. You may find that others are in the same boat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Texan_Til_I_Die Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long That's a tuff one New. My personal thoughts on medicating children is that it should be a last resort, and ONLY after I was 100% certain that there was a medical problem and all other options had been exhausted. Have you tried using a lot of positive motivation? Maybe some type of reward system? Different people, regardless of age, respond better to different types of motivation. Your son may be one of those types who just doesn't respond to negative (punishment) types of motivation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 18, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Meds would definitely be a last resort and testing never hurt anyone. The more I think about it, the more that I believe the teacher is a LOT of the problem. My son is the other part being an active and very grown up individual. He doesn't like writing that much so that could be part of it also. I will see what the doctor says and go from there. I do think it is very telling that this teacher has very low class averages. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BowJoe Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Given that I am a first time parent New, take this with a grain of salt. I suggest talking to the parents away from school like having a dinner with a few of the aquaintances you have made through your son. Let them know what you are inviting them over for and get down to the nitty gritty of whether it's your son or a broader problem. I would also check to see if your son's teacher is simply an Anti-Hunter. Maybe your son's enthusiasm has led her to believe he's a violent or out of control kid and should be punished because he believes in killing animals. I've heard of stranger reasons. You can always do a sit in with your son's class or maybe stop by on an impromptu visit to talk to her about what she thinks is the problem. You may find that her reasons do or don't hold water. That right there may tell you volumes about her ideas and practices. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firefighter Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I would stay away from meds, He's only in 2nd grade..... Have you or the school thought about having a counselor sit in during some of the classes? the grades are not an issue,,, 70's or 80's is good for that grade level. sounds to me like the teacher has no patience for certain types of behavior. Theres nothign wrong with switching to a different class and teacher.... has this teacher taught this grade level before? is she new to teaching ? keep in mind when dealing with young children, that they will grow out of certain behaviors as the years progress. its way tooooooo early to start with medication in my opionion ,,,,,,,, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Yeah, this teacher is new to 2nd grade after teaching 5th grade for many years. I am against medication unless we see someone who says 'absolutely, this is what he has and needs to be treated'. What I didn't mention is that my son is having a phobia event with peanuts and peanut butter. He has gotten better so I am hoping it was one of those kids and germs things. He is allergic to peanut butter and peanuts so it isn't an irrational fear of them but more an irrational fear of degrees. For him, being in the room with kids who ate peanut butter or someone who ate peanut butter touching his stuff is too much for him to handle at times. I think that has a LOT to do with his inconsistent and at times odd behavior. But he isn't THAT allergic to peanuts but worries that he might stop breathing as a result of being around it or people who ate it. I know my wife and I get impatient with him and really pile on at times so I figure the teacher is only human. But it seems that she really rides him hard. What we lack is the knowledge, experience, and perspective when dealing with the teacher and the school. This is our first. I don't know if these notes and calls are just a 'please help me deal with this' kind of thing or a 'your child is going to be failed' kind of thing. I don't want this teacher's opinion or stigma following him around. I am of the mind to have him talk to a psychologist more to rule out ADD/ADHD and/or learning disability of some sort and then just thanking the teacher politely when she calls or writes a note and going on. Of course, correcting our son where he is wrong. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andrea Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long New...............my sister-in-law is a teacher and she keeps me informed on all the teachers at my son's school . ( Thank God) So I pretty much know who the lazy teachers are, the ones that are too strict, the ones that are new and too lax, etc. etc. Sounds like the one you have is pretty bad. I think that if you have a college education and are in the profession of TEACHING CHILDREN, then you also need to SPEAK like it. And if she is rude and disorganized then she needs to be confronted. IMHO. I'd yank him out of that class so fast HER head would spin!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firefighter Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Hey bud, Ok, so we know that the teacher is used to kids that are a little older and that she has not dealt with the mentality of the "AGE DIFFERENCE".... You and your wife have several things to deal with now,,,, The 1st is dealing with a phobeia that your son obviously understands that could harm him. You and your wife should sit down without your son and come up with a plan "a positive plan" on showing your son how to deal with other people who eat peanut butter in front of him. show him not to be affraid of what others eat, and its ok to be around them. but he needs to understand to be cautious. you and your wife might want to casually speak with your son off and on about that. dont be forceful , be reasurring, and above all calm. If you guys start to get frustrated, hey take a break, breath a little, now i'm gona say something and PLEASE DONT TAKE IT TO HEART, DO NOT TAKE YOUR IMPATIENCE OUT ON YOUR SON AND GET ANGRY.... IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE....... I have personally been down the road your on and it will work out in time. Its not something that will happen over night......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Honestly New, I can empathize with you in a way. Our 10 year old last year had slipping grades and an attitude that was worsening about school and everything in general. We were not sure what the deal was, but I felt the teacher was in part a problem with her slipping grades. She went from a near straight A student who scored in the 96-99 percentiles on her state achievement tests to hating school and having problems with math making C's in math and B's in other subjects she typically loved. I suggested to the teacher that she was bored and asked that she be tested for gifted. The teacher agreed and we were supposed to get papers to sign for her to take the tests. By the time it was near the end of the school year, I had talked with the teacher several times and she never followed through. Knowing our daughter would be in a different school system this year we decided to just ride it out and I did not complain to the school board or to the principal. She is now back to making straight A's and now she actually likes math. What I am getting at is that the teacher can make a difference in whether or not the kids are achieving even when the parents are as involved as they possibly can be. When a teacher is not willing to listen to the parents or the student, the student will suffer. Some teachers whether it be they are old and need to retire which is what our situations was or whether it be because they are underpaid and burnt out, just don't need to be in the positions they are in and they really need to go on and give it up and do something else. I don't mean that as a slam on all teachers by any means, and I have a great respect for teachers for the most part, still even giving some considerations to a teaching degree myself. I would not put your son on any meds, honestly think if I were you I would have him changed to a different teacher if that is at all possible, as that might very well be the root to the problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long This teacher has a very abrupt and very business like attitude....which isn't necessarily bad. However, my son responds well to enthusiasm and bubbly type teachers. In fact, my son, as a reward for doing well in behavior gets to go to his Kindergarden class and read to the students. That was his 2nd grade teacher's idea so I can't say she is all bad. However, I think she should be teaching older students who can behave better. I don't think she has the knack for 2nd graders. My son, I don't know how to get him to understand that certain behaviors aren't proper. He got in trouble for throwing rocks and hitting a trailer. He pinky promised us that he didn't mean to actually hit the trailer it was a ricochet. He hasn't pinky promised and lied yet, so I tend to believe him. Then he pushed his way to a sink because the other student was taking too long in his mind (I think he was preoccupied with peanuts or peanut butter at the time). So these are the piddly things he is doing. I don't want to downplay them but they are kid things. It isn't like he is hitting kids or calling the teacher names, etc. We did talk to him and I think he understands but tomorrow it will be some other piddly thing. It is like she wants toy soldiers. 2nd graders are not toy soldiers. Please note that I am not saying 'boys will be boys'. I am just saying that there are certain expected norms of behavior by age groups and they can't be berated for being 'normal' because it seems the teacher has no control. During the party, that was what my wife came away with. Our son was behaving very well and many others were not but she didn't have control of the room. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long [ QUOTE ] Our son was behaving very well and many others were not but she didn't have control of the room. [/ QUOTE ] A teacher who has no control over the classroom is not and will not be an effective teacher. Dont take this the wrong way, but do maybe you wonder if your son was possibly on better behavior due to your wifes presence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Oh I am sure that he was being better no doubt. This is our quandry here....what part is him and what part is the teacher. If we are berating him for not correcting his actions when his teacher is hounding him, that will kill his spirit. If he truly is being terrible, then he deserves what he gets. I do know that he has lost it into tears and talked about how he can't handle the 'pressure' before so I just don't know. We don't have the perspective of knowing if all the kids are getting notes and checks still or if it is just our son that can't stop. The notes are few and far between and he mostly just gets checks. That would be helpful to know. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Give him some Red Bull. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long How about Mountain Dew and a couple power bars! New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Don't need the sugar, just the caffiene. Most ADD meds are stimulants. We use Diet mountain dew for my daughters add when it starts getting out of hand. She had violent outburst with her meds. We took her off of them and just use diet and caffiene and have had better results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I'm sorry, I thought you were kidding John.....I will have to try that during a non-school time and see what happens. Perhaps try it an hour or so before he does his homework. How often do you give her MD per day? New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I agree new on not putting him on meds yet. sounds like he is acting his age and the teacher is not used to that in the classroom. people are too quick these days to medicate kids for just being a lil rowdy! as far as the peanut thing isn't there an allergy med he can take for that? i was allergic to alot of things as a kid and took allergy pills for them. my son is in second grade and he is a lil rowdy himself, the more time i spend with him and just talkin hanging out the better he seems to be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Washi Posted December 19, 2006 Report Share Posted December 19, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Sounds like a normal child to me. I see no reason to put him on meds. I have a feeling if I was a kid now I'd get put on meds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long Really we don't use it much. Mainly when she's doing standardized test or if her teacher comments on her behavior. My room is just 75 yards from her's so communication with her teacher is almost daily. I would try giving him some sort of mundane task like folding clothes or putting away dishes and see how long he can do it without going nuts, then do it again in a few days and hop him up on some red bull, mountain dew or something similar. If he's climbing the walls he's probibly just your normal 2nd grader, if he can do the task longer he may be add or adhd. I would make meds a last resort and only after a doctors diagnosis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParrotHead2005 Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I am in the opposite boat. I taught 2nd grade for 4 years and went to 5th. There are just some kids that dont like there teacher I know I had a few. The grades in my room are horrible. As of right now I have 56 D's and F's and I have only figured up 4 subjects. I have 22 children. They dont care. They dont do work and the parents dont care. I keep track of parent contacts and I am up to 1,916 contacts for the year. Check with your school also. I know our school with pay for certain types of testing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParrotHead2005 Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I know in my building there are some teachers who I would not want teaching my dog. But it is like anything else there are good ones and bad ones in any profession . I have had kids pulled from my room. Which didnt bother me. I am very strict in my room. THey must respond with Yes Sir or No Sir and must raise there hand to do anything. I am also very blunt and tell it like it is. If the child is horrible I am going to say he is horrilbe to the parents Some parents like it some dont. That is fine. I must be doing something right all the behavior problem childrens parents always want me. They give me any trouble I dont put up with it. I kick them our for the day. There is not one teacher in this building who has not had a child pulled from their room. Its part of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Phaseolus (BeanMan) Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long New, Go talk to the principle and ask to move your child to a different teacher. You'll know pretty quick what's going on then. BeanMan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParrotHead2005 Posted December 20, 2006 Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I will say this about pulling your child. In all the ones I have seen it has not worked. Oh sure they are the star pupil for a week or 2 or a month. Then most time it goes back, NOT all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted December 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted December 20, 2006 Re: A school question for the teachers (sorry long I think pulling my child would probably not help. I think it would be a shock to his system to be the new kid and would probably not change his ways. I think we are just going to mellow out and work with the teacher as much as possible to get him through. I expect at some point he will start putting cause and affect together and modify his behavior. In the mean time, we will see what our doctor says and go from there. We are also trying....TRYING....to institute a no yelling policy in our home. But when he is doing something that could result in someone or something getting hurt or broken, it is hard. Medication is an absolutle last resort and I told my wife last night to try some Mountain Dew before his homework today and just see what happens. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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