Darwin Awards

VermontHunter

By VermontHunter
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VermontHunter Monster Buck

VermontHunter

Posted
Posted

Steve B. asked me to post this for him.... Man these crack me up... grin.gif

Darwin Awards

----- It's that time again... The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual

honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by

killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's

winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over

on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's

winner was a real rocket scientist... HONEST! Read on...And remember that

each and every one of these is a TRUE STORY.

And the nominees were:

Semifinalist #1

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,

because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with

milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into

the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his

house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when

another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the

occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and

crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around

their ankles.

Semifinalist #3

A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus

straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County

police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps

together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the

trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren

Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone

because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had

assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the

ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was

"Major trauma."

Semifinalist #4

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a

friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The

friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #5

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a

gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all

potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had

been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon

entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the

dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later

described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and

retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of

the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces

of it up to three miles away.

Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually

untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast

had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.

Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award (awarded,

as always, posthumously):

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in

the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.

The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.

The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.

Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur

rocket scientist... had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted

Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military

transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He

had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight

stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up

some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967

Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from

the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at

that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5

seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and

continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.

The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually

reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him

to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the

automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20

seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,

blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then

becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face

at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small

fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and

fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to

be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed

of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the

ground.

You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?!?

(AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US) -- SCARY, ISN'T IT?

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AdvantageTimberLou Monster Buck

AdvantageTimberLou

Posted
Posted

Re: Darwin Awards

[ QUOTE ]

Wow some ppl is all I have to say ... all the stories were funny cept the first one ... wouldnt have been bad if just affected himself ...

Steve

[/ QUOTE ]

Same here Steve, when you hear his sister died that was sad. Sad to see people not knowing any better die doing this stunts. I am sure there are a lot more out there that maim and injure people but never make the news because they are too embarrassed to tell the world their stupidity!

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