Guest Xen Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 so, anybody ever been through a divorce that has helpful information? after ten years my wife has decided that she can not be happy while married to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unioncountyslayer Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... Do anything you can to avoid it. I have not been divorced, but have seen what it has done to families, epecially my wife's. Seek counseling, preferably christian counseling. Just remember that Love is an action, not a feeling. Best wishes, -union Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xen Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... well, unfortunately, she won't go to counselling she says it's too late and the she isn't in love with me any more. she says she loves me like a brother... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkoholic Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... Get a good lawyer (if there is such a thing), be done with it and, most important, get over it and get on with your life. Seldom is a marriage salvageable at this point and holding on is not going to do either party any favors, Sorry you have to go through it, but life isn't always easy and letting go of someone you love is tough to do. Good luck in whatever happens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leatherneck Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... without tring to sound like a great big jerk, there is someone else. I love you like a brother has been said to me before. I want you to know that I have added you to my prayers, but I think the best thing you could do is let it go. I have been in the middle of a devorice when I was a kid. NOONE wins. Keep your head up and all will go as according to HIS plan. If you need anyting at all please pm me or someone else. You dont need to keep this cooped up. We are here for you brother. Good luck!!! Ryan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NS whitetail Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... I have been through a divorce ( nasty one at that ). get a good lawyer !!!!, someone that wants to fight for you, my lawyer pretty much was no help and I got taken to the cleaners $$$ wise The best advice I can give is --- don't wait for her to make the first move, if you think it is over than jump at it and get things taken care of. good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texastrophies Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... To add on to Elkoholic, if things have gotten this bad, you need to keep a close eye on your bank accounts and credit cards. And take it from someone who didn't do it, get it over with. I am still suffering because I didn't cut the cord when I should have, because I hoped it would work out. I am gonna stop now before I get worked up. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoyt03 Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... Your in our thoughts Xen, hope all works out for ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DU_man_84 Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Re: The Big D... im still young, dont know a dang thing bout divorces cause i aint married, but im truly sorry to hear things didnt work out, but i wish you only but the best of luck in the future, well keep ya in our thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bruteshooter Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Re: The Big D... Every divorce is settled in 10 minutes. It's up to you if you settle it this side of $20,000 or the other side of $20,000 Don't make kids the pawns if you have any. Protect yourself first and formost. Make it quick and end it soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Re: The Big D... Get the meanest and best lawyer you can afford and check references. Close all joint credit cards immediately. Close any and all credit you can immediately. Many lawyers only care about getting you out of their lives using as little effort for your retainer as possible. Many will get half the job done but not tell you the other parts. If you listen to nothing I say, listen closely to THIS: when the divorce is done and everything is divied up MAKE DARNED SURE THAT ANYTHING FINANCED IS REFINANCED TO TAKE YOUR NAME OFF ANYTHING SHE KEEPS. Many a man has been ruined because his idiot lawyer loses the house to the wife and the loan stays in both parties names. The wife gets the house, car, RV, etc. and decides not to make the payments for some reason. Then the bank comes after you for something the divorce decree says she gets. Divorce decrees aren't releases from joint loans. REFINANCE EVERYTHING AS A PART OF THE DIVORCE. As for the bank accounts, etc. well ask a good attorney what to do. Closing them out to keep her from getting them might cause you some problems with the judge....aka look like being meanspirited and cost you. The other thing is to guard your IRA/401-K with a good lawyer. A good lawyer is the difference from giving her 50% and giving her nothing from your retirements. In case I didn't mention it or make it clear, refinance all loans to be individual loans on anything that you used to own jointly but now own individually. Make sure all credit cards are closed permanently and divied up. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoosierbuck Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Re: The Big D... Newarcher has some very good points. Not pleasant, but very pertinent to the real world. I would add one other thing, if yoyu can make that good lawyer a female, and as "ornery" as they come. For some reason males in divorces seem to fare better when represented by a spirited female attorney. HB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NS whitetail Posted March 17, 2007 Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Re: The Big D... [ QUOTE ] For some reason males in divorces seem to fare better when represented by a spirited female attorney. [/ QUOTE ] never worked for me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archerjg Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 Re: The Big D... Sorry to hear that. You will be in thoughts and prayers. Archerjg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PAdeerdreamer Posted March 18, 2007 Report Share Posted March 18, 2007 Re: The Big D... May prayers are with you buddy. The wife and I have been through some very tuff things through out the years and even now.(the past always comes back to haunt you.)I won't say any more. If you would like to vent feel free to PM me or anyone here. We will all be here for you. Den Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... Thats a blow. Ive never been divorced but my brother has. About the only thing I can say is the sooner you let it go the better. Sorry to hear about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddpipkin Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... BEEN THERE, DONE THAT !!! When experience teaches lessons, you only need to sit through the class ONCE!! LISTEN to Newarcher and do what he said, and make danm sure all of that is in the divorce decree, in case she has opened accounts that you don't know about. EXPERIENCE is a HARD teacher!! And if she "loves you like a brother", you can be danm sure that she is loving SOMEBODY like a husband!! You need to find out who, and you need to find that out YESTERDAY !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... [ QUOTE ] The best advice I can give is --- don't wait for her to make the first move, if you think it is over than jump at it and get things taken care of. [/ QUOTE ] This is what my best friend told me when his marriage busted up. Be the first to file divorce papers!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Xen Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... i've been going to counseling to help me get through this - i contacted a real estate agent and what use to be our home is now up for sale. i am having a very hard time getting through this - thank you all for your prayers. i pray a lot more now than I ever have - my daughter is taking it very well, she is such a great kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newarcher Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... The best advice I can give you is this... Make that child the very center of your universe and tell her just how much you love her each and every day....when she says "Daaaaaad, I KNOW"....you are about half way there with the amount you need. We are here for you. Oh, did I mention that you should make sure that before the divorce is finalized that you have absolutely no joint credit accounts left? Hang in there buddy, many a people have gone through this and came out shining on the other side and you will too. New Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino Posted March 19, 2007 Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Re: The Big D... Xen I'll sure keep you in my prayers too. I've been through a real nasty one before and to say the least, it will sure affect you both mentally and physically. You will have a real hard time making rational decisions. 6 months or so after mine was over my close friends told me just how screwed up my head was while I was going through it. Of course at the time I didn't think so but they were right. Get the best lawyer you can afford and make a list of all your assets. Good to hear you are getting counseling. Believe it or not, it will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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