TreeWalker Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 I have felt prompted to make this post.......God has really put it on my heart, especially as we read about so many marriages falling apart in the recent past.......I myself am in a very similar boat, but my marriage is still hanging on by a very thin thread.........I hope some of what I am about to type will serve as useful advice to some.....and maybe even as a guideline to start, with others...... I really struggled with whether I should post my own personal life in the forums, but felt it was really necessary to humble myself before all of you......mainly since I would be willing to bet alot of us are in the same boat, or have been....or will be...... It wasn't that I don't love my wife.......I cherish her with all of my heart.......but I didn't change with the times. Meaning as we added to our family, and responsibilities grew, I didn't adjust well.......now nobody loves his wife and kids more than I, but I let work and my love for the outdoors rob precious time away from them. I also wasn't the most affectionate guy, and when it came to bumps and bruises I was always raised "it's too far from your heart to kill ya"......I guess alot of my childhood rearing raised it's ugly head in my own parenting......... So what I am saying is, we all have faults and inadequacies......but they can all be adjusted.....if your spouse and/or children mean that much to you....which they should. There is some excellent books out there and I HIGHLY encourage you to read them......some marriages have been resurrected even after the divorce papers have been signed.......the most important thing to remember is that we took our vows in God's name, and through God all things are possible. The books I have been reading right now are Toward Commitment By Diane and John Rehm.....Love Is A Decision By Gary Smalley...........AND THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS.......MUST READS...........Winning Your Wife Back(before it's to late) By Gary Smalley and His Needs, Her Needs By Willard Harley........if I was to pick two, it would be the last two for sure..........and I mean it guys........put the hunting rags down for a bit and put some input into your marriage by reading one or more of these books.......study (or scout) your wife and her routines and her needs, just like you would deer. Now Guys.....don't be too prideful or tough skinned....or even self embarrassed....about buying and reading some or all of these books......it most likely will make the difference between a long lasting meaningful relationship, and one that will peter out and fade into a statistic......I learned many things, especially about myself, especially from the third book I mentioned. I like to think I was a good man....loved my wife and kid's and provided for them........but I found out in how many areas I was really lacking. It's been a real awakening. And honestly guys, there isn't a thing we can't change.....it comes down to how bad do we want to........do we love our wifes more than our own selfish desires ??? Here's some things I learned....... (1) My hunting, scouting, etc. Had become an adulterous affair to my wife.......sure when we were first dating and even when we first got married, life was much simpler......I had more time for her because there was more to go around......as we added kids, and conflicting work schedules, the time my wife and I spent together grew shorter........and instead of giving up some of "my time" to be with her more, I tried to have my cake and eat it too.............this is the marriage killer........if you can't get your wife to spend time with you out in the woods, then your just gonna have to skip some of those trips out to the woods and spend them with you wife...........sacrifice pays, and beleive me, I'm finding out how much....hopefully ti is not too late (2)Affection is more than just Sex guys........it means a simple touch....embracing in a long heartfelt hug regadless of where......even a foot rub or back rub when asked, or holding hands when she wants....even if it embarrasses you if you are walking in the mall.......I know, I was never much of the touchy felly guy either, but I'm learning just how much that constant contact means to a woman........swallow your pride and prove to your lady that your a big enough man to "show....not just know......."....even a loving pat on the rear while walking by her in the house............and this goes two ways guys........if she pats you, or plays with your ear lobes in church, etc......don't brush her off and tell her don't or not to......let her love on you. I took this for granted for so long........I never understood the implications of it all.......probably cause I was never exposed to it at home myself. But it's not to late to learn........ (3)Relate and equate with your wife......this could be anything from meaningful conversation to even a time of mourning........just because you don't understand or can't relate to something doesn't mean it doesn't mean something to your wife........and I was the king of ignorance here. My wife has gone through several miscarriages through the years (and we are still blessed with 4 kids)......and I've never understood the mourning process involved with it, afterall I don't know what it's like to carry a child, let alone for several months.......I guess i really have been cold and hardened, as I've seen enough death of friends and family that I guess it just caused me to become indifferent to it........so when my wife miscarried this last September, I hugged her and told her I was sorry and then proceeded to hunt nearly every day for the buck of my dreams......meanwhile the most important person of my dreams was slipping away....along with my marriage. First DON"T SACRIFICE your wife for selfish pursuits......Second, when you talk with your wife actually listen to what she is saying and engage her in meaningful conversation.......Third, even if you don't understand, you need to embrace and associate with your wife when she goes through rough times......regardless of how big or how small...... (4)Be the leader in the house......this doesn't mean be the dictator.......but take some of the pressure of every day life off of her shoulders. This may also be a spiritual roll in your house......is she the one that drags you to church and get's the kids ready by herself ?? Than beat her to the punch....get the kids up, fed and bathed and even dressed.....let her sleep in............in day to day life, make the important decisions, but not without her input.......whatever you do, don't exclude her. Regardless of the decision at hand, always include her in it.....if she tells you she doens't care what you decide, than go ahead and grab the reins, but if she has input, don't be bullheaded but instead discuss the topic until a common ground is met........long and short of it, is let her know she is needed, but also taken care of. (5)Appreciate your wife........even for the little things. I don't know how many times the wife would clean the house, and I would get home after a tough day and just crash in the recliner without saying a word.......she often would start the ball rolling by asking "so what do you think of the house ?" Simple affirmation is all she was looking for.......I know, I know...we all think we realize the things she does around the house, but we never really fully grasp it all.......I came to this awakening when I quit my shift work job nearly three months ago, in an attempt to salvage my marriage.......my wife had taken a job at a photo studio and I stayed home with the kids and performing the domestic duties.......I came to a whole new level of appreciation for all the things a wife does.....not just the cooking, cleaning etc.....but time management, multi-tasking, refereeing, shuttling kids to functions, etc...etc......... (6)Don't just appreciate you wife.....help out !!! Nothing will say love and appreciation more than helping out......hey, I hate dishes and folding laundry too, but it needs to get done doesn't it.....she doesn't deserve to have all of it put on her....after all I'm sure she doens't like doing it either.......share the chores and responsibilities....no matter how tough of a day you may think you have had, still offer a hand. (7)Just because the marriage has begun, doesn't mean the dating has to end.......keep putting spark into your life. Take your wife out to movies, or to dinner and dancing....maybe both.......but alone time, away from kids and everyday life is a must. I made the mistake of not doing this nearly enough.........don't let the lack of quality time continue in your life.......make a change now. If you don't know what she likes to do anymore, by goodness find out.....don't take her to a monster truck rally, if it's not something she is into........you gotta do the things she wants, just like when you were dating.......treat you life together as one continuous date, not as a ball and chain...... And compliment your wife.....tell her she looks nice.....let her know you like her perfume.......pay attention to details, and if she changes soemthing like even getting her hair trimmed, you best know that something changed, LOL........thank her for her hard work cleaning or cooking, and let her know what a great job she has done........compliment her on everything possible she is involved in because she often doesn't "do it for her health" LOL.......you get the idea.... (8)Keep up your appearance.........I mean, we can't all help the middle age counterweight we all seem to acquire.....but I mean, keep shaved, dress up even if it is just a trip to the mall.......I know so many times the wife suggested she would like to buy me some clothes she liked and would have liked me to wear........at about the 2 or 3 year mark, i was along the lines of thinking "who do i have to impress anymore....I'm married".......those have got to be some of the most dangerous words ever spoken. If your wife's eyes were once for you, it's best to keep them on you.......let her take pride not only in your last name, but also in being seen with you. You don't need to wear a tux when going to town for errands, but just as she spends time on her hair and makeup, make sure you are tidied up a little too.........leave the holey jeans and well-worn shirts at home for yardwork........It may even mean enlarging your wardroad a bit......and if you don't know what to buy, just ask her, LOL........I tend to stay to nice conservative Levis and short-sleeved button up shirts with matching undershirt.......and trendy sweatshirts for when the weather get's a little chilly. There's more than that to my closet.....including some nice pairs of loafers (not hunting boots !!) and recent additions of new dress shoes also................ I used to be the guy who wore clothes till they fell off you and then just go get some more......I guess it took me a while to realize my wife wanted to be proud of me....when with me.......I now try to stay with the trends, buying what still suits my tastes a little too.....I pick up[ a couple new pieces each year, and donate the older stuff as i go.............even picked up some new duds for summer wear, nice Levis Cargo shorts and several name brand tank tops........Sadly though, I still have some stonewash and acid wash jeans from the 80's, that I just can't seem to part with, LOL........ (9)Lastly......Admit to yourself that there are areas you can work on......it takes a better man to admit his faults than the one who says he doesn't need to change.........and if you find yourself needing to make some adjustments, don't just say you will, but actually do it........if your marriage is rocky, or is even about to go over the edge, if you want to earn your wife's love, respect and trust back, you have to maintain your efforts........if your wife is like mine, she has probably seen half-hearted efforts at change before.......usually until things are smoothed over, and then we fall back into that same ol rut......it's always the easy way, to sweep thing under the rug and hope they go away.......but I think we all know things only tend to fester that way, instead of healing.............you may have your work cut out for you, and any helaing in your relation ship is not gonna happen overnight......if you've dug yourself a hole through the years, chances are you'r gonna have to work just as long and hard to fill it back up........selflessness, devotion and consistancy will pave the way to renewall....and she deserves every bit of it. (10)OK I lied...this is last........if you prefer to not beleive in God, than there is not much more I can say.................but if you do.......regardless of your level of beleive or extent of your Faith, now is the time to pick it up a notch.....nothing is more powerful than God and Prayer.......I have personally witnessed so many of my prayers answered in the past couple of months, that it has me feeling somewhat guilty for being so blessed.......all things are possible through Jesus....Prayer is such a powerful thing.......but may I suggest to not just seek blessings for your own needs, but seek a closer relationship with Jesus as well.......Prayer is more than just a time to ask for things, it is time spent with Jesus........talk to him, get to know him, open your heart to him....and realise that all things can be done through him..........afterall, it is senseless to try and go through this alone.....and if you are like most men, it isn't easy to just open up and pour your heart out to another man.........so it only makes perfect sense to go to Him in prayer.....let him know your despair........trust me, even though my marriage has been hanging on by a thin thread, and I've gone through more despair than i care to mention, while in prayer Jesus fills you with such a peace and contentment that it's almost undescribable........just ask him to take control, committ your marriage into his hands and let him take care of the healing........this doesn't mean you don't have work to do.......just means Jesus has your back........and have faith......faith in Jesus, and that he can work miracles and Faith that he can and will answer your prayer......Faith like Lazarus's sisters had when they called for Jesus to come and heal there brother....... Now I hope I didn't offend anybody by any of my comments.....I simply felt God put it on my heart in hopes I could help just one person out there.......just one marriage. I know not all marriages can be saved, for many were built on sand and not rock, but everyone of them is worth every last effort.....and mine is far from being resurrected, but I have Faith it will be........after all I am still married, and I am still under the same roof, and Glory to God for that.......three months ago, I was asked to leave and sign papers.....but now we are on the slow path to recovery, and it's all by the Grace of God........and in his Glory. God Bless you all, and if any of you have anything to add, I'm sure many would love to know......especially if there is any other additional good books out there, or even good advice from the ladies...........let's save the marriage insitution, not let it fade away........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
okiedog Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Good post. I know there is alot I can relate to in there. Thanks for opening up some, it opened my eyes alittle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Kudos Clay. Great post for all. If I might add a little tidbit ..It takes 2 to make a marriage work, not one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted July 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Kudos Clay. Great post for all. If I might add a little tidbit ..It takes 2 to make a marriage work, not one. Steve that is so very true.....but so many make the mistake of using that to lay blame. I've come to the realization that my lack of leadership in the home....both marital and spiritual....caused me to unfairly expect unwarranted efforts from my wife. I now know that I need to take responisibility for my actions...and lack of them. In most cases, my life choices caused my wife to make hers........she can't be blamed for many of her actions when they were often just reactions. I've got to get my marriage back on "solid ground" first...then i can trust that "we" can work on this together.........I am so hungry for that day's arrival..... Long and short of it guys....don't take your wife for granted....on any level. She needs to know that she is not just loved....but appreciated and needed......and even beautiful in your eyes. Oh and let me add this......don't be the guy that only sends gifts and flowers when you are in the doghouse......let flowers and gifts represent wonderful times in her life.......and it doesn't have to be calender events.....send her something nice if she had a rough day.......or even on just a day you thought of her..........just a tip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5994_MUZZYMAN Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Very good post. Everything he said is right on. I work offshore and i know what she goes through. everything seems to go wrong when i'm at work. I love to hunt and the outdoors. she knows this but i'm also expected to be there for events going on in the family. I made a commitment along time ago to not hunt on the weekends only during the week. I know for most this is impossible but i can. i only hunt when the kids are in school and she is at work. There fore i don't miss much at home. while our children are small i schedule with her my morning hunts because she likes for me to bring the baby to day care when i'm home. If i do hunt on the weekends i bring the kids with me and i'm home usually by the time she is getting out of bed. The first day home from work i try to wash all the clothes and clean up. plus do anything else she wanted dun if possible.I'm very fortunate to have the wife i have she is a good mother and father while i'm gone. I always try to treat her like i want to be treated. I'm not perfect , there is roon for improvement on my part. Thanks for the post and the reminder of just how important she is to us. Because remember guys not only do you loose her but you will loose (for most) the ability to live with your children. It might be a bother at 2 am but when your 2,3,or 4 year old snuggles up to you cause he/she is scared that is one of the greatest feeling of love i know. and i would dearly miss this if i could not live with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bachflock Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Well stated, Clay, very well stated! Been there, drank the kool-aid, got the t-shirt, still trying to work through it all myself. You couldn't have put it much better. Thanks for the book recommendations. I've read a couple others by Smalley but not the ones you listed. They are officially on my list! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 excellent post, all the way around. but, marriage is not 50/50. you must give 100%. simple as that. i'm lucky, because i married my best friend, and she still is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted July 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 I was just out in the yard, and something else came to mind that I should have posted in with the other "9"...........in fact i think i will go back and edit/add it to the origianl topic for any newbies to the topic...... Keep up your appearance.........I mean, we can't all help the middle age counterweight we all seem to acquire.....but I mean, keep shaved, dress up even if it is just a trip to the mall.......I know so many times the wife suggested she would like to buy me some clothes she liked and would have liked me to wear........at about the 2 or 3 year mark, i was along the lines of thinking "who do i have to impress anymore....I'm married".......those have got to be some of the most dangerous words ever spoken. If your wife's eyes were once for you, it's best to keep them on you.......let her take pride not only in your last name, but also in being seen with you. You don't need to wear a tux when going to town for errands, but just as she spends time on her hair and makeup, make sure you are tidied up a little too.........leave the holey jeans and well-worn shirts at home for yardwork........ It may even mean enlarging your wardroad a bit......and if you don't know what to buy, just ask her, LOL........I tend to stay to nice conservative Levis and short-sleeved button up shirts with matching undershirt.......and trendy sweatshirts for when the weather get's a little chilly. There's more than that to my closet.....including some nice pairs of loafers (not hunting boots !!) and recent additions of new dress shoes also................ I used to be the guy who wore clothes till they fell off you and then just go get some more......I guess it took me a while to realize my wife wanted to be proud of me....when with me.......I now try to stay with the trends, buying what still suits my tastes a little too.....I pick up[ a couple new pieces each year, and donate the older stuff as i go.............even picked up some new duds for summer wear, nice Levis Cargo shorts and several name brand tank tops........ Sadly though, I still have some stonewash and acid wash jeans from the 80's, that I just can't seem to part with, LOL........ As far as the counterweight, I made a further dedication to looking good for my wife (well and for me)......I started a reworking of my eating habits and also a work out regimen........I used to be a fitness freak back in college, so the knowledge was still there.......it was just with nearly 15 years of dating and marriage, came complacency, laziness and letting myself go..........in the past 3 months I have lost 40 lbs, and have been toning up quickly...........to think at that beginning of the year I was over 260 lbs and I am now down to the 218-219 range........20 more pounds and I will be back to what i roughly was in college...........and that has been my goal before my 40th B-day, less than a year away......should be no problem Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andrea Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Treewalker......................you just won my vote for "Post of the Year". Prayers going out for you and your wife. Now, let me print this out.....there's a man I know who will be crashing on the recliner here shortly who needs to read this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted July 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 .......I've read a couple others by Smalley but not the ones you listed. They are officially on my list! I tell you what, his book Winning Your Wife Back(before it's to late) that I mentioned was the biggest eye opening and convicting book I have ever read (besides the Bible)..........I never knew I could be a failure on so many levels.....everything it basically mentioned as "don't do's" were often the things I had done.......long and short of it, is I knew I was a good man, but i definitely did not know how to treat a women the right way all of the time, not how she wanted to be treated anyway.......but I am so glad I found out most of my faults now, before it was absolutely to late.......in fact I'm gonna head back and start reading it again.....and again....it's that good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest outdoorgirl Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Great post Clay....enjoyed reading it !! This should help as a reminder to both men and women. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VermontHunter Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 Treewalker......................you just won my vote for "Post of the Year". Prayers going out for you and your wife. I'll second that one.. I not unlike Steve B. have been very blessed to have a mate that I just live and breathe for and vise versa.... We both had to adjust to her heart condition at a very young age and made some hard compromises.. but all for the better, and this is what I think makes our marriage so strong... She understands my hunting as my release to life and I understand her alone time to be the same... Tammy and I never take one minute for granted, for her especially it could be the last at any time and any day, so we don't expend precious time worrying about the small details. We have built our marriage on US not you or I ,, unfortunately we aren't able to have children, but that doesn't deter us from the joy of kids either,,, we have an abundant amount of nieces and nephews to love and cherish as our own... As for MONEY ,, well we never had too much of that so that's just something we have adjusted too, but we look at it this way we have more than most ,,, and we have a loving and happy marriage ,, what more could be asked for .... :cool: For all of you out there at this very moment struggling with your marriage/relationship ,, I wish you nothing but the BEST and I'll be sending out a prayer for ya all ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkoholic Posted July 28, 2007 Report Share Posted July 28, 2007 commitment My take on this subject is that too many people, male and female, put on an act to "win" some-body's heart and after the wedding vows they return to who they really are. That is a marriage destined to fail. Another scenario is when someone gets married thinking they can change the other person. Once again, a marriage destined to fail. Marriage is a commitment, a work in progress, where a thank you, an I'm sorry, or an I was wrong needs to be said when appropriate. If one person is giving 100% to the marriage and the other is only giving 50% the marriage may stay together, but, someones life sucks. The biggest thing I see in failed marriages is a lack of communication, not just talking, but communicating. As far as divorce goes, if it is not working, end it and get on with your life's. This coming Tuesday the wife and I will celebrate 31 years of marriage and in all those years we have never had an argument. We do not always agree, but that is no reason to fight about something. Not being able to make a commitment and the tendency to place blame, along with the unwillingness to make sacrifices will be the end of most marriages. When children are involved it becomes really unfortunate. Life goes on, don't dwell on the past. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildside Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 .......the most important thing to remember is that we took our vows in God's name, and through God all things are possible. I commend you not only for sharing but also for having the courage and strength to do so. We all stand to benefit from reading your post. Best to you and your wife, and thanks for making the choice to tell your story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Good post Clay. Have to agree with Steve that it takes two, and another thing to add is to not just give up. Giving up is the easy way out too often for many in relationships that might be salvageable. 7)Just because the marriage has begun, doesn't mean the dating has to end.......keep putting spark into your life. Take your wife out to movies, or to dinner and dancing....maybe both.......but alone time, away from kids and everyday life is a must. I made the mistake of not doing this nearly enough.........don't let the lack of quality time coniue in your life....... That has been a tough one for my wife and myself since we had children, and something we need to try and work on. We have not had quality time for us away from the kids nearly enough, not really her fault, not my fault, just a matter of not having anyone to watch the kids who we feel we can trust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted July 29, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 WTH.......WTH, I know what you mean about finding a sitter you can reallly trust.......our tried and true baby sitter just graduated this year and is moving off to college, and the wife and I know she is going to be next to impossible to replace........but in her absenses through the years, we always tried to stick with kids who we know are involved in church (especially nursery) and church youth groups. Elkoholic, I totally agree.......communication is a must !!!! Even if it is small talk, you must talk....all of the time, regardless about what it is.....but especially the importatn stuff, even if it may not be important to you..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bowin_in_illinois Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Kudos Clay. Great post for all. If I might add a little tidbit ..It takes 2 to make a marriage work, not one. My wife and I have this on the wall in our bedroom: Marriage Takes Three I once thought marriage took Just two to make a go, But now I am convinced It takes the Lord also. And not one marriage fails Where Christ is asked to enter, As lovers come together With Jesus at the center. But marriage seldom thrives, And homes are incomplete, Till He is welcomed there To help avoid defeat. In homes where Christ is first, It's obvious to see, Those unions really work, For marriage still takes three. Author Unknown Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaret Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Awesome stuff there Tree. I just recently read "Help me I'm married!" by Joyce Meyer and it has helped me tons. Good to know this stuff now before I get married in two weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntnMa Posted July 29, 2007 Report Share Posted July 29, 2007 Treewalker......................you just won my vote for "Post of the Year". he's got mine too...... I'll keep you in my prayers........thanks for posting, not only does it help the guys, but it also helps the women...i'm very selfish when it comes to my hunting and i shouldnt be....my husband and i went through some really rough times, but with God's help , we're right where we need to be....until hunting season, just kidding, lol....he's actually quite good about me and my hutning, he does his thing , i do mine, then we meet during the week for some us time....we appreciate eachother much more as adults than we did when we were younger....17 yrs. so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maytom Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Great post!! Problem is, if you practiced all of the above, and she still wants out, what then? You all heard of the old saying: "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". The same thing applies to a marrige, if one doesn't "WANT" to make it work, what is the choice left? You can pray all you want to, but that doesn't cut it in real life. Trust me, I know, it happened to me, and it aint a pretty thing to go through. For all you who going through this turmoil in your life, for the kids sake (if you have any), you may want to tuff it out. For others, you may be better off shaking hands and going your separate ways. Nothing worse than being in a loveless marriage. Everyone has enough stress in their lives now without the added stress at home. Solutions? Some "real-time" soul searching needs to be done, and the outcome will be the right choice, though painfull as it may be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeWalker Posted July 30, 2007 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 ............You can pray all you want to, but that doesn't cut it in real life........... Maytom, as much as I respect your post and agree with several aspects of it, I have to completely disagree with this......prayer is the only thing that does cut it in real life.......it is the "go to" for all situations, just because prayers aren't answered all of the time is no reason to quit praying, for all things are possible through Christ.....a guy has just got to remember that it's God's will and his timing, along with a personal relationship with him, that paves the way to a fullfilling life through him.......and that's just one of the many things that was lacking in my life..........I was leading a sinful life at one time, but continued leading my selfish one as I sought a christian lifestyle.....it was like oil and water, it just didn't mix.......ultimate sacrifice leads to renewal, on so many levels...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddyboman Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 WHat a great post!!! Thank you Clay. I know you have opened many eyes with this. We will keep you and others in our thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Finn Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Maytom, as much as I respect your post and agree with several aspects of it, I have to completely disagree with this......prayer is the only thing that does cut it in real life.......it is the "go to" for all situations, just because prayers aren't answered all of the time is no reason to quit praying, for all things are possible through Christ.....a guy has just got to remember that it's God's will and his timing, along with a personal relationship with him, that paves the way to a fullfilling life through him.......and that's just one of the many things that was lacking in my life..........I was leading a sinful life at one time, but continued leading my selfish one as I sought a christian lifestyle.....it was like oil and water, it just didn't mix.......ultimate sacrifice leads to renewal, on so many levels...... Maybe a statement like "for me" would be better than saying your way of belief is the only way....or is it not ok for people to have a different religious belief than you? I happen to feel differently than you about religion. Seems to be working for us. We pray, go to church and have been married happily for 20+ years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monsterbucks1 Posted July 30, 2007 Report Share Posted July 30, 2007 Truley a great post, I wish the best of luck to Your wife and you and to all others, This also opened my eyes up to alot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maytom Posted July 31, 2007 Report Share Posted July 31, 2007 Maytom, as much as I respect your post and agree with several aspects of it, I have to completely disagree with this......prayer is the only thing that does cut it in real life.......it is the "go to" for all situations, just because prayers aren't answered all of the time is no reason to quit praying, for all things are possible through Christ.....a guy has just got to remember that it's God's will and his timing, along with a personal relationship with him, that paves the way to a fullfilling life through him.......and that's just one of the many things that was lacking in my life..........I was leading a sinful life at one time, but continued leading my selfish one as I sought a christian lifestyle.....it was like oil and water, it just didn't mix.......ultimate sacrifice leads to renewal, on so many levels...... I hear what your saying Treewalker, and I'm not saying that religon or praying isn't where it's at, it's just in that situation, if the other person in the marriage doesn't want to try to make it better, or to change, all the prayers in the world aren't going to change her/his mind. Praying will surely give you inner peace, but it won't rectify a bad marriage. That's the message I was trying to convey. No harm done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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