2007 Woman Driver Awards


buckee

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Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on lipstick.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don‘t scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned tiny Tim and The Twins, ruined the dang phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. :mad:

Dang women drivers!!

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* HERS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit.

2. Opens window.

3. Asks directions.

4. Arrives at destination.

HIS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one.

2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right.

3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.

4. Finally rolls down window.

5. Hocks a loogie.

6. Pulls up to a 7 – 11.

7. Gets three hot–dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.

8. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

9. Gets back into car.

10. Farts.

11. After he closes the door.

12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7– 11.

13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7–11 said it was.

14. Almost hits a deer.

15. Curses the night.

16. Curses you.

17. Curses the large slurpee.

18. Stops by the side of the road.

19 Takes a leak.

20. Still taking a leak.

21. Almost done.

22. I think.

23. Returns to car.

24. Drives and fiddles with radio.

25. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.

26. Admits he didn’t want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister’s anyway.

27. He hates your sister.

28. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.

29. He had to look up pernicious.

30. Couldn’t find a dictionary.

31. Finally found a dictionary.

32. Couldn’t spell pernicious.

33. Seethes at the memory of it all.

34. But she is laughing inside.

35. And of course you’re still lost.

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Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on lipstick.

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don‘t scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned tiny Tim and The Twins, ruined the dang phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. :mad:

Dang women drivers!!

Yeah..see...none of that would have happened if the woman hadn't been putting on her makeup :D

Why did God create woman?

Because after creating man, he was sure he could do better

Remember, he used left over parts :D He just knew we couldn't live without ya.:rolleyes: Dang eh :rolleyes:

* HERS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit.

2. Opens window.

3. Asks directions.

4. Arrives at destination.

HIS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it’s the correct one.

2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he’s right.

3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.

4. Finally rolls down window.

5. Hocks a loogie.

6. Pulls up to a 7 – 11.

7. Gets three hot–dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.

8. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.

9. Gets back into car.

10. Farts.

11. After he closes the door.

12. Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7– 11.

13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7–11 said it was.

14. Almost hits a deer.

15. Curses the night.

16. Curses you.

17. Curses the large slurpee.

18. Stops by the side of the road.

19 Takes a leak.

20. Still taking a leak.

21. Almost done.

22. I think.

23. Returns to car.

24. Drives and fiddles with radio.

25. Yells at you for suggesting the map again.

26. Admits he didn’t want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister’s anyway.

27. He hates your sister.

28. Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.

29. He had to look up pernicious.

30. Couldn’t find a dictionary.

31. Finally found a dictionary.

32. Couldn’t spell pernicious.

33. Seethes at the memory of it all.

34. But she is laughing inside.

35. And of course you’re still lost.

Yeah ..SOooooooooo:D

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