Creation--if it happened today..

markyj987 · January 13, 2005

The Creation ...

In the Beginning ... God created heaven and earth.

Quickly He was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact report. He was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part.

Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that He just liked to be creative.

Then God said, "Let there be light."

Immediately government officials and environmentalists demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire.

God was given provisional permission to make light, assuming that:no smoke could result from the ball of fire; that He would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, that He would have the light out half of the time.

God agreed and said He would call the light "Day" and the dark "Night."

Officials replied they were not interested in semantics.

God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herbs and such as many seed." The EPA agreed so long as native seed was used.

Then God said, "Let the waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and fowl that may fly over the earth." Officials pointed out this would require approval from the DNR (Department of Natural Resources) coordinated with the Wildlife Federation and the Audubon Society.

Everything was fine until God said He wanted to complete the project in six days. Officials said it would take at least 90 days to review the application and impact statement. After that there would be a public hearing. Then there would be 10 to 12 months before....

At this point, God created ****.

Written by Paul Foldes, submitted by Robert D. Kalinoski, adapted for America's Dairyland by the law firm Dewey, Cheatum & Howe

wtnhunt · January 13, 2005