JimPic Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 Absolutely not!This man is on a very destructive course and he'll take not only you and your wife down with him,but also that little boy.If the state allows visitation rights,make sure they're supervised by you and your wife.You read too many stories about children that are neglected and abused everyday in the newspapers.Give this child the stability and love that he deserves.Also,I'd let your father-in-law know how you both feel and where you stand.Good luck to you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? I really feel that in most cases people should forgive, but do NOT confuse that with forget. Granted the man may have had to struggle with the death of his wife. It would literally kill me if I had to watch my wife die of cancer. Turning to drugs and lies doesn't speak well of his character at all. Substance abuse is just a sign of a weak person. If he was weak enough to fall into such depths, he more than likely will return to them again. Every child does need a father figure. You can fill those shoes so much better than a unreliable drunk. The future of the child is the most important aspect here. I would go to bat for the child. Your concern says a lot for your character and I really believe the child would be better off with you and your wife. Granted its a huge responsibility but letting that poor kid back into a world of abuse and mistrust would be unthinkable. As I stated about forgetting, dont ever forget. People who depend on things such as this at anytime are weak. They chose to hide their problems rather than face them. I have seen VERY few people bounce back with confidence enough to sustain problems without the help of narcotics. If you have already caught him in lies do not feel pressured to buddy up with him because of your family ties. I choose not to hang around druggies, liars, or cheats. I have a blood aunt that is into hard drugs. I dont associate with her anymore. If I see her on the street I may say hi but that is just common courtesy. This man's abuse to the kid is enough to distance yourself from him, just consider the theft, lies, and self abuse the catalyst in your decisions. Good Luck and God bless.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinwheel5 Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? I hope everything works out but I have the feeling like he may indeed get custody again. That is how the law works. Just be there if he does and check up on him alot. If the father-in-law does indeed slip back into alcohol, you will be there to get your brother-in-law before something bad can happen. I'll be praying for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snapper Posted February 10, 2003 Report Share Posted February 10, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? This is a tough one wtnhunt...the law is the law and I understand what your saying. Hopefully sooner or later (hopefully sooner) he'll realize the things he has done and straighten his life out. Drugs do nasty things to people and he may not feel like he did do anything wrong...has he ever seen anyone after your mother-in-law passed ie: psychologist? Sounds to me he's screaming for attention...but don't know who to go to and wants people to feel sorry for him. Everyone makes mistakes...like said earlier...forgive, but don't forget. Your in a tough situation...but you and your wife need to be there for the boy regardless what happens! Sorry, but I don't think your going to find a clear cut answer for this problem...but prob. does help to get it off your chest and talk about it. Take care...thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sureshot Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? Sorry to hear of your problem it is a tough one! As much as I hate to say it you should probably try to handle talking with him just for the boys sake.It would be much better if you could see the boy if he gets custody and plus keep a eye on him.I am deffinatly not usually a forgive and forget type person, but when a small kid is involved you have to do what is right for him! I sure hope things work out for you!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archerjg Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? It's a shame that you and your wife can not get permanent custody of your brother-in-law. He was in a bad situation with his father and he does not need to go back when he is doing so much better. I pray things work out for you. Archerjg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? I agree about praying about the situation and praying for the step dads salvation as well. In the meantime though,the well being of that child would be first on my list of priorities, as I'm sure it is with you and your wifes. If possible get some investigating done to get the goods on what he is up to, in case you need it in court, someday soon. My hat is off to you for what you are doing and the sacrifices you and your family are making for this child. Hang in there and be strong. Having forgiveness in your heart for this man, is a good thing, but will never really be completed until he wakes up and changes. May God be with you and your family in this struggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruttinbuc Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? I would also do whats best for the boy. If it means to fight the father for custody then so be it. I admire what you have done so far. I would put it to the father, straight up on what your your feelings are. He can't go on plodding through life taking advantage like that and blaming it on everyone else. A good talk may help him. Good Luck wtnhunt! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
horst Posted February 11, 2003 Report Share Posted February 11, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? wtnhunt, thats tough.By not admitting any wrong doing it seems he may still have some problems, the sad part is that no matter how many people tell him he has a problem, if he doesnt want help it wont do any good.And the way the court system works, he probably will get custody back.All you can do is what you feel is best for the kid, if it means tolerating the father to help the kid you may have to keep your temper in check to be close to him.If he does get custody back and you keep your family away from him and the kid its gonna be tougher on the boy than it will be on you to be around the father.After what hes been through losing his mother and being taken away from his home he needs a friend now, dont do anything rash thats gonna make that not possible.Just my opinion, ive been wrong before good luck with the courts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyohunter Posted March 14, 2003 Report Share Posted March 14, 2003 Re: Do not know what to do? i think you need to demand drug and alcohol testing , at least weekly for him to be able to get these visit with this youngster, and i would( unbenounced) to your wife have a heart to poke him in the chest long talk, tell him you know what hes about . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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