Bowtech_archer07 Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court. Taken down by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. __________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: In what way does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: Can you give us an example of something you forgot? __________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: "Cathy, where am I?" ATTORNEY: Why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. __________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. __________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? __________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty one. __________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you kidding me? __________________________ __________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS : Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I need a different attorney...Can I get a new attorney? __________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: By whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? __________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or female? WITNESS: Guess...... __________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here today pursuant to a deposition notice I sent to you attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. __________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? _________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. __________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started about 8:00 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Smith was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him..... __________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Uh, are you qualified to ask that question? __________________________ AND LAST __________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Then, could it be possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be sure? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive anyway? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible he could have been alive and practicing law....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fly Posted February 13, 2008 Report Share Posted February 13, 2008 nice! very funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 now those are great.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OJR Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Really sheds some light on how wonderful attorney's are!! LMBO!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muff Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 very good :D:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jmbstudios Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 My last court date was for a guy I busted smuggling dope in a trailer. The attorney showed me a picture of the horse trailer and said... ATT-What is this a picture of? ME- A Trailer. ATT- "So this is the trailer, that was full of marijuana, that you were towing, the day you pulled over my client.." ME-No, I was not towing a trailer that day... then later...... ATT- When you used your K9 to sniff the trailer, did she tell you that the marijuana was hidden in the floor of the trailer? ME- NO, I dont speak dog, and she doesn't speak english! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowtech_archer07 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Pretty pathetic that lawyers have no common sense!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Now that, is the best laugh my wife and I have had in a long time. I can hardly see the dang keyboard, with tears of laughter .. :D:D:D LMBOROF Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 LOL, those are pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
c_lou Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Those are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddyboman Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 LMBO!!! Those are funny!!! Thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoosierbuck Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 How about we just enjoy the funny without the negative commentary. Thanks. Every murderer or molester that is in prison and off the streets is there because of A) good police work, and B) a good lawyer finished the job. My skin is a little thin today, sorry. HB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DU_man_84 Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 being in criminal justice i find those really entertaining Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted February 14, 2008 Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Wife showed me those a long time ago. Wonder if they're true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowtech_archer07 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2008 Hoosier, i'm a Criminal Justice major and agree whole heartedly with you. But SOMETIMES, some lawyers just show no common sense. It happens to everybody.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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