Mark Cliffton apology

[Ohiobucks]

:D Suckwad Apologizes for Not Taking Steroids :D

Mark Cliffton, a backup outfielder on the Royals, apologized to fans today upon reporting to spring training for his years of not taking steroids.

“I know I really let a lot of people down by not taking steroids: the fans, my teammates and my coaches,” said Cliffton. “But, most of all, I let down myself and my family. I could be making a lot more money had I taken steroids.”

Cliffton was forced to speak out after his name was not included in the Mitchell Report.

“As soon as I heard that my name wasn’t in the report, I felt sick,” said Cliffton. “A lot of people rely on me to perform and help this team win, yet it suddenly became clear to everyone in the country that I wasn’t really giving it my all. That I wasn’t doing anything to win. All I can say is that I’m sorry. I am ashamed and embarrassed.”

Royals manager Trey Hillman says he is willing to let bygones be bygones. “Everyone makes mistakes in life,” said Hillman. “Mark made a big one. But I’m sure he will learn from what he did and make some changes in his life. There still isn’t a test for HGH, you know.”

Cliffton hopes he hasn’t set a bad example for kids.

“Kids out there look up to us,” says Cliffton. “And I failed them. Hopefully I can be a cautionary tale. You know: ‘Take steroids or you’ll end up like that Mark Cliffton guy – the fifth outfielder for a crap major league team in some nowhere city.’ If that’s enough to deter kids from not not taking steroids, then I will feel some good as come out of this whole thing.”

He just hopes it’s not too late.

“I’m 28,” said Cliffton. “I worried my window of opportunity for truly utilizing steroids to their greatest potential has passed. I will likely live a very long life wondering what could have been.”

[Guest Finn]

Lol