JJL Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 On Thursday this past week my son was involved in an altercation at school with the school bully. He did not provoke the attack, but, he finished it. The other student received a three day suspension and both him and his step-mother are very upset about it. They're beyond common sense and unwilling to talk. This young man has no father (deceased) and lives with his step-mother and older sister. School officials and local law enforcement have recommended pressing assault charges so that this youth can receive the help that he needs and get into the program. It's not drug related, He's just a violent young man with a TERRIBLE home life, who needs help. He'll get the help he needs if I press charges. I've spoken with school officials, law enforcement, youth guidance, my family, and my pastor. I'd appreciate your opinions. I have to file criminal charges against a 14 year old boy in order to help him, and I'm EXTREMELY worried about possible repercussions regarding this action. His Mom's pissed already, so he's not going to get any positive exchange at home, she's a complete loon. Does he bring a knife next time, or maybe a gun?? This thing is touchy and I'd like your response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aksheephuntress Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 ....My initial gut response is to wait....(an unusual feat for an Aries....)...until after Easter...and think and pray about it ,on your own; you have already talked to the school, police, counselors, and most importantly-your pastor.-It is so important to get by yourself for a moment,digest this....and make sure you have God's will as best interest(please don't think I'm preaching to you....I know you are restling with this, but- something deep down causes some doubt to whatever you are being coached to do.) ....I can't imagine that by pressing charges, this is the only way this boy will get help....either times have really changed, it's different in Colorado, or someone is not telling you something. .......Keep in mind , too....if you press charges against the other kid, then his guardian has the right to press counter-charges against your boy.AND...some other agency, or authority figure ,I feel, should be compelled to take the initiative to get this kid help.-And,why should you and your son be seen by this troubled kid, and his wacko-rationalizing step-mother, as the cause of his "punishment"(they will never truly learn by that route....any steps for help for this boy will be interpreted as them convincing themselves that they are "the victims" because of the charges you press. ....A screwed up way of thinking, I know...but: SOMEONE is not telling you something.... :I encourage you to contemplate this, when you get a solitary, quiet moment, over the Easter weekend....and see what course of action is in your heart, on Monday.... ........You might be surprised at what might transpire before now and then.... -Prayers for you , and your family.....and try to enjoy what you can, of this holiday....I am sorry this dilemna is facing you the way it is....Kathleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OJR Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 From what you are saying, this seems to be a last ditch effort to help the kid! His mother might be mad, but what if he does things that are beyond comprehension and then you will really be on a guilty trip! Let's face the facts, there are people in this world who need all the help they can get! Some more than others! Press the charges and be on guard! It seems the police and school officials have had their hands full with this kid and they finally have something to sink their teeth in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Kid Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Thats hard to say, because if you do press charges he might be one of those kids that brings a gun to school, but if you don't he's going to keep doing what he does.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkeygirl Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Yikes...definitely a sticky situation.... We have neighbors that do some really obnoxious things...even their dog bit me in the rear end and we could have sued him or something...but is the Christian thing to do?...no, and we don't want possible repercussions either. We just ignore the neighbors and know the Lord deals with him. Your situation is a bit different though...pray on it, give it a few days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Tough love is always a hard one to dish out, but that's why it's called tough "LOVE". In spite of popular believe, we "are" our brother's keeper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruttinbuc Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 The kid apparently has no male role models in his home life. No one there to give him any kind of discipline. Pressing charges may be the only way to help this kid. He may never had been confronted into being scared straight. Sticky situation for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sskybnd Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 i realy feel for you in this situation, and like buckee said we are our brothers keeper, jmt do you think he might be acting like this becouse of the lack of a male figure, i have no ideal, but maybe he needs a big brother, or a man to do things with, and show him whats realy expected from a young man, not saying what he did was in any way right and not making light of it, but like buckee said we are our brothers keeper, and he should be punished for what he did. just my thoughts maybe you might be the one to reach him by befriending him, and being the male enfluance for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 Speaking from an educators point of view, press charges. If he's that bad his mom is obviously not doing her job and the kid needs a kick in the butt to learn to control himself. The suspension is a nice vacation from school and not a punishment in the least for a kid like that. Let him spend a couple nights in jail now and maybe it will settle his hind end down a little. At the very least you will start a paper trail that may get him in prison before he kills someone. As far as your son goes, if this kid isn't monumentally stupid and brings a weapon, your son is probably done with him. The apparent butt whoopin he gave this kid may have done wanders for him. If you don't press charges what does that teach him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotman Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 On Thursday this past week my son was involved in an altercation at school with the school bully. He did not provoke the attack, but, he finished it. The other student received a three day suspension and both him and his step-mother are very upset about it. They're beyond common sense and unwilling to talk. This young man has no father (deceased) and lives with his step-mother and older sister. School officials and local law enforcement have recommended pressing assault charges so that this youth can receive the help that he needs and get into the program. It's not drug related, He's just a violent young man with a TERRIBLE home life, who needs help. He'll get the help he needs if I press charges. I've spoken with school officials, law enforcement, youth guidance, my family, and my pastor. I'd appreciate your opinions. I have to file criminal charges against a 14 year old boy in order to help him, and I'm EXTREMELY worried about possible repercussions regarding this action. His Mom's pissed already, so he's not going to get any positive exchange at home, she's a complete loon. Does he bring a knife next time, or maybe a gun?? This thing is touchy and I'd like your response. Most bullies beat up on other kids to feel powerful. I think Like buckee said if you show the kid some tough love it should show him that he is accountable for his actions. Those kids that are getting bullied fight back with more extreme measure because alot of times bullies get away with it. So yea I think not only will you get the bully some help but more importantly you will be helping the ones that are getting bullied day in and day out by him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archerjg Posted March 22, 2008 Report Share Posted March 22, 2008 In this situation I would press charges it might give him the shock that he needs to get on the right track. I had a couple of bullies when I was in school. I got into two altercations with them and after that they left me alone. In this case it seems that he is just continuing on his path and needs help. Pray about it some more before you make your decision. Good luck in making your decision. Archerjg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swamphunter Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Id say press charges...if your bou whooped him (finished the fight on top), the bully already has a reason to come after him. By pressing charges, he may not like the repercussions from that, and not want to go through the whole legal mess again. At 14 years of age, in NYS anyway (home of the liberal lawyer), he would get petitioned to family court and get a youthful offender status, and have to abide by what the court sets forth or face further actions. It would never appear on his work record, he would never get "locked up"...just gets him started in the legal system that may correct his bad behavior before he gets older, and someone gets hurt bad. At 16, (in NYS), he would be treated like an adult, and could face time in the correctional facility. (Which rarely happens in the area that I reside - liberals). Good luck....I'd go through with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BowJoe Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 This may be what's considered soft love but I'd invite him to church with you (especially on Easter) and take him fishing and walking in the woods. Show him what it's like to just enjoy the simple things and maybe he and your son could actually become friends. Let you son learn to lead by example. I wouldn't press charges. The kids that go into the programs are not given actual help. They are filed away as a problem child and looked at that way the rest of their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I don't think I'd press charges, and based on what I know about bullies, he's done with your son. I think it's up to the school and law now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJL Posted March 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 There exists in Colorado a program known as "juvenile diversion". They take troubled youth and essentially place them on probation until the reach 18. Classes, grade reports, community service, and a whole bunch of counseling. Officials claim that it works wonders, there are 5 students at this school currently in the program and all have experienced 180 degree turnarounds. The only way to get this young man into the program where he can get help is by pressing charges. The other reason is that my son chipped two teeth during the ruckus and in order to get restitution we have to press charges. The school officials say that there's nothing that they can do with this student unless we press charges and get him into the program. The problem I have is simply, how much gas am I throwing on the fire by pressing charges? This kids Step-Mom is a complete LOON, and, who knows where she'll take this thing or what advice she'll be giving. Oh, by the way, our minister said that he'd drive to their house and beat the living crap out of the kid.............then he smiled and said that we'd better not do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OJR Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 You will not be doing this kid any favor if you DO NOT press charges! He knows he can get by with things and if you don't press charges, he gets by again! Nail him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotman Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Talking more with the local police will help as well. They can run a background check on his mother and find more about this kid. And how they know him so well.You actually have the leverage now with the bully and his mother. I'm not sure how long you can go without pressing charges. I wouldn't let her intimidate you though if she as much threatens you in the slightest way you can slap a order of protection of some sort on her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Finn Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 Tough call......think I'd have to press charges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nut Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 I hope it works out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BowJoe Posted March 23, 2008 Report Share Posted March 23, 2008 If he is guaranteed to go into the program then by all means I would say yes. If he is truly a deviant and not just known for being a bully then I say yes. If however he is not a criminal and not been in trouble with the police then he's not a criminal and I don't think he deserves to be ripped from the only family he knows (however crazy the mom is) and put into the system. Talk to him first with the police present and make your decision then. Tell the mother that if she refuses to make him meet with you at the police station then you will press charges and he will be there anyway. You are not the judge in this case so it's not really up to you but you do have an important decision either way. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fly Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I'd pray about it as I do for all my decision making, but from what I have read it sounds like the 14 year old needs to realize there are repercussions for his actions. Something he's not getting from home. I think a major problem with today's youth is that they don't take responsibility for their actions. They figure they can slide. Sounds to me like this youth is headed for trouble! Pressing charges now at 14 for assault is far better than at 19 for the same or something worse. I'll be praying that it works out for you and the 14 year old. It's good to hear about fathers like yourself that care about their kids and the kids their kids get into fights with. Where's this 14 year old's dad ya know! >Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Tough situation Jim. Hard to say what to do, would have to think not doing anything would be like allowing his violent nature to go and in a way condoning it, while if you do press charge you have legitimate fears of what might happen. Think I would pray about this, then most likely would press charges on the kid, and get the school involved with keeping close tabs on the kid. Chances are probably better for the kid if he learns now that he is not going to get away with this type of thing, although I can understand your concerns especially with how things are in today's world and understand why you would not want to get further involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michihunter Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 Have you talked this over with your son? His input would certainly help with my decision. Afterall, your son knows this other boy a lot better than you do. No 14 yr old boy wants to be labeled as a "snitch" or a "Momma's boy" and if you were to press charges, there could be some indirect results that would affect your child a heckuva lot more than getting into qa fight. I personally would consult my son and follow HIS wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I used to be that kid, not necessarily the bully part but, I was definitely troubled. I put my parents though a living **** and am very glad that they called the police as many times and as often as they did. I can only imagine what would have happened to me had they not called the police. This kid IMO is looking for some attention and I personally would give him some and get him heading in the right direction before it's too late. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SuperKirby Posted March 24, 2008 Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 I'm fairly new here, but I figure I probably ought to put in my 2 cents. Up until my wife became pregnant, I worked as a Detention Officer at our jail. I've booked in kids that had violence issues. Jail does nothing. There's one that stands out that pulled a knife on his mom because she wouldn't let him have what he wanted for dinner. So, she called the cops and he got arrested. He thought jail was pretty cool. (Wait till his friends find out.) Young teenagers don't reason like everyone else. Jail is cool and worth it, and, depending on what his home life is, jail could be better then being at home, so he'll be more apt to reoffend. So, if it were me, and realize I probably don't have anywhere near the life experience a lot of the people here do, I wouldn't call the cops. Not after this first incident with your son, anyway. This kid needs a way to spend less time in his home, but jail isn't it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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