NS whitetail Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Well, I've been kicking around here for awhile and most of you know that I don't ask for too much. However, right now, I feel like I am going to loose my mind . I have been divorced from my first wife for 8 years. We have joint custody of our daughter and I am the paying parent. ( even though my daughter is here over 1/2 the time and always has been ). Megan turned 12 back in Feb. and told me that she wants to come live here fulltime ( her mother lives about 10 miles from me ). I really want that, I love her to be here and it would save me alot of $ in support payments ( that I know her mother spends most on herself ). At first her mother said yes and then a few days later, she changed her mind which hurt Megan and I. Every since then, my Ex has been a really fulltime you know what ( she always has been but got worse ). I have contacted a lawyer and am going to try and fight this out ( even though the law usually sides for the woman ). To add onto this problem, all of the foolishness that my Ex has gone on over the years and lately has put a major strain on my marrige now. I don't think that my current wife and I are going to last . My wife is getting tired of having to put up with crap day after day from the wacky Ex and says that she never would have married me if she knew it would be like this. She even admits that I am a great father and a great husband, but what we had has faded because of the nonsense . I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you could give me an uplifting thought, I would appreciate it. Thanks ------- Lewis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Breaks my heart to hear that Lewis. Don't know what to say. Sounds like if you get custody things will work out since you won't have to deal with your ex. I would try explain that to your current wife I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 I'm really sorry to hear this too Lewis. One option is to sit down with her, and tell her how you completely understand how it has been a strain for her especially, but to please bare with you a little while longer, until you can resolve this issue with your X. It wouldn't be a bad idea to pray "together" about it too, if that is possible.. Jesus said, "where 2 or more are gathered, in my name, there, I will be, also." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Finn Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Sorry to hear it Lewis...prayers sent for you all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hammerforged Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Man, I am sorry to hear this, Prayers sent . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 wow. tough spot, lewis. all wife #1 is interested in is the money you give her for your daughter. if that continues, she won't care where the daughter is, most likely. offer her the money anyway, even though you keep the daughter. i know, it's a rip off. but women always win in court. and the lawyers on both sides win more... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrj3514 Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 prayin 4 ya Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aksheephuntress Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 I'm really sorry to hear this too Lewis. One option is to sit down with her, and tell her how you completely understand how it has been a strain for her especially, but to please bare with you a little while longer, until you can resolve this issue with your X. It wouldn't be a bad idea to pray "together" about it too, if that is possible.. Jesus said, "where 2 or more are gathered, in my name, there, I will be, also." ...Oh, my....-this is a very hard situation... -I really understand what you are going through... -Buckee is giving some really important advice here...-I agree with him- -Prayer, with your wife, will really help- I'm sure of it! -As bad as it seems now...-getting legal advice and help will help ease the situation with you and your current wife... -I don't know how Canada is...-but- I'm sure there are all sorts of free legal avenues you can try, to at least get a solid direction.... -also...-DOCUMENT EVERYTHING that goes on...-financial, visitation, and communication exchanges...if you aren't already... -it sounds like there could really be a need here, for some revisions in your origional custody order...-especially if your ex is harrassing you...-even though she lives that close, she has no right to control your life like that...whatever the situation... -Also,SteveB is right - keep doing what you are doing...-and with the payments, as hard as it might be right now...-at least your daughter is with you half (or, more, )of the time....-and, she will be 18 in 6 years... -Your daughter will remember, and know, the rest of her life.....everything, and to what extent, you have done for her... --and- take heart...-the legal battle may not be as futile as you may think-and nowadays, the court systems do NOT always side with the mother.... -I am so sorry this is happening to you, Lewis... -I will pray for you ...and your family- -Good things, and strength, must inevitably come out of this for you.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Very sorry to hear about this Lewis! I hope everything works out in your favour. And I hope you and your current wife can survive through it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nativetexan Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Tell your ex that her b.s. is causing a strain in your marriage now. Then tell her that any communications between your family and her "the ex" is to go solely through you, and you only via cell phone, email, etc. If you take her to court, have this placed in the new agreement, so if she breaks it you can place a restraining order on her. The less b.s. your current wife knows, the better off you guys will be. A buddy of mine went through the same situation and this is what he did. However, he had to refrain from talking about the b.s. on a regular basis with his current wife. Then they sought counseling and have been great ever since. Next, as Kathleen said, any communications you have with your ex should be recorded and be very, very thorough. Save emails, phone records, witnessed conversations, etc. The biggest thing for you to do is be a rock. What I mean is, show your current wife that your ex is not a player in your current state of mind, and focus all of your attention on her. When you stop letting it bother you, your wife will soon follow suit. Be a rock to your ex by showing her that you are not letting her get under your skin. She does things of that nature because she knows it makes you angry and causes problems in your current marriage. For whatever reason that is, it is her problem..NOT YOURS and definitely not your current wife's. I wouldn't presume to know what to tell you about a court case with your daughter except to get your ducks in a row. It could turn out worse...I would try to investigate a little more and see why your daughter wants to come live with you. Is there something going on in the house that your daughter is uncomfortable with? Your ex's state of mind? A boyfriend of your ex's? Living conditions? Either way, if you don't repair your current marriage you may get your daughter back full time, but now you will have two women angry with you for whatever reason. Which is definitely going to put a strain on your relationship with your daughter. Tell the wife and the daughter to be patient with you, and you are on the issue like stink on poop. The more you show confidence, the better off you all will be....Confidence..Confidence...Confidence. Pick your head up, grab the horns, and wrestle it to the ground. There is no better problem solver than being pro-active in putting a stop to miseries in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randy Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hang in there buddy, I feel your pain. Just remember these two things, if you want something bad enough, don't quit until you get it, and The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob LeBlanc Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hey Lewis, I'm terribly saddened to hear this...but I do understand the strains that it can / will put on a relationship. Unfortunately, too many times, there is a breakdown in the communication between a husband and wife, and in this instance, I am suspecting that things probably built up to a point on your current wife that she just can't deal with it anymore, and she's probably feeling very alone. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to come between you and your daughter, but she also wants to live within the sanctity of her own marriage...not your past marriage. The best and only advice that I will pass along is that the two of you visit your pastor or a councillor (trained individuals) to help you through this difficult period. A good, sit-down discussion(s) under the guidance of an impartial person will do wonders in helping you understand what she is going through, and vice versa. I know...I know...airing your laundry to a stranger, or someone who may live in your community, is never easy...but understand, it is what they do, and many others have been to them before you...you are far from alone. Chin up, bud. I'm only a phone call away...3 hours by truck...2 hours by the new 2008 Grand Prix I bought yesterday:D:D Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Really sorry to hear this Lewis. Some good advice is given above, hope somehow things workout for the best for you and your family. Prayers on the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerClay Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 I cannot add to the great advise that was given above. But I will send a prayer your way Lewis. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Born4it Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 Horribly sorry to hear about this. Condolences to you and your family. I'm sure your wife will hang in there with you and realize that you're doing your best to deal with what's been handed to you. I like the quote given above..I heard it as "God will never put you in a position that HE can't handle." In other words, give it up to Him. Be receptive to Him. Another one to consider is "When you're down to nothing, God is UP to something!" Hang in there, Buddy. Everything will work out. You have the right intentions for your wife and daughter...that's the most important thing. Let them know they're your priority, which I'm sure you already do. Take care, and let us know WHEN it works out. God Bless, Ryan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VermontHunter Posted August 1, 2008 Report Share Posted August 1, 2008 I cannot add to the great advise that was given above. But I will send a prayer your way Lewis. Good luck! Same here Lewis, I will pass along my prayers as well .. Hang in there buddy, it will work out in the end .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntnMa Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife and your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beardsandspurs Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 Be strong Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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