JJL Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 I ran across these the other day. Many have seen them before, but, they're always worth reading again. Especially if you have a Daughter........... Daddy's Rules for Dating Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a guy) : Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.' Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge . Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowtech_archer07 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 That is great!!!! Good post, seen things like this before, but not this one exactly. I have no kids, but i'm sure that when I do i'll be about that protective of my daughter(s) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mark_85 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 lol I have no kids but I have three nieces. I am very protective of them. Good post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bowhunter56 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 10 good rules. makes sense to me.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Been a pretty good while since I have seen those Jim. Good ones for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Illinois59 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Thats great! Thanks for the post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
backwoods07 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 I hope I never have a daughter for fear that there might be another guy out there that acts like I did when I was 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaun_300 Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 LOL! Don't have any kids yet, but my rules will be similar with those, if I have a girl... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hammerforged Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 Definitely a great set of rules. When my 2 girls started dating, I always for some reason was working on a big honkin' Bowie or fighter whenever the guy arrived to pick them up. The girls were under orders to bring the fellow out to the shop for a hello before they departed on their date. For some reason they always were very intimidated, they usually didn't last beyond the second date. but my oldest is now married and my youngest just got engaged this past weekend. Both of the young fellows came to me to ask my blessing before popping the question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tink Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 One lady on a Bow forum read the rules and said her daughter could not date until she was 25! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Been a pretty good while since I have seen those Jim. Good ones for sure. Ditto. I've got the "Dating Application" on another computer I think. I'll have to dig that up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrj3514 Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 these rules are kinda ruff on us nice young guys. but rule #4 is hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lil hunter Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 remind me not to date the daughters of any of you guys. except maybe tominator's, cuz I ain't skeered of him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 I've got the "Dating Application" on another computer I think. I'll have to dig that up. Same here. Think I have that backed up on a cd off of my old compaq. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevebeilgard Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 that was a fun post. i love #10... may as well put the fear into folks. all one really needs to know is that your daughter is out with a guy who is doing exactly what you were doing. that, in itself, is enough to issue a death sentence...lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arrow32 Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 LOL!!! Now are great. Here is a story I have to tell it me and Shelby's dad were wrestling and he got me down and when we got up he goes that right there is the Saturday Night knock out if I catch ya doing that to my daughter I will kick your arse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie234 Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 My daughter thinks my rules are bad, wait till I impose these new rules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Found it... So you want to date my daughter.... You may want to save this in your archives and dust it off when your doorbell rings. APPLICATION FOR PERMISION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor 1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________ 2. HEIGHT ______________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______ G.P.A.____________ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________________ ______ 5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP __________ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_______________________ If No, EXPLAIN __________________________________________________ 7. Number of years your parents have been married ________________________________ 8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____________________ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises) 9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ___________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? __________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ___________________________________________ 12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend ______________________ 13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? ____ 14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.) a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is __________________ b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ________________________ c) A woman's place is in the d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _____________________ e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is _______________________ ( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.) 15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________________ Signature (That means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back). Do you still want to date my daughter?: _____ Yes, please accept my application _____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adjam5 Posted October 29, 2008 Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 Thats funny Chris...I'd love to see a kids face when something like that is handed to him:D. But it is something my 3 boys might likely see in the future:p But for Dads with Daughters...if you haven't heard this song, I think you'd like it. Very on topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dance.and.shoot Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 One lady on a Bow forum read the rules and said her daughter could not date until she was 25! My dad said 40! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dance.and.shoot Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. don't forget the worst punishment of all....the Hillary Clinton kiss (that one's on mine) oh, and for answer C: my dad said if they answered that a women's place was in the kitchen, they wouldn't have to finish the rest of the application, that it would automatically be accepted. my dad really DOES make any guy i'm thinking about getting in a serious relationship fill it out...and I'M THE ONE that has to ask them to fill it out...that's the worst.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sluggunner Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 I have a 9 year old daughter... Guess I'll have to file that list away for future use...LOL!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tink Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 New One I just heard a new one dad says to the Boy Son What ever you do to my daughter I will do to you! end of story Tink Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilmisswtnhunt Posted October 4, 2009 Report Share Posted October 4, 2009 when are you people gonna realize ,if a gun or shovel is needed,we can take care of ourselves there is a river behind my house, the body would never be found:bat: (insert maniacal laugh here) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.