aksheephuntress Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Been there, on the dad end that is. I can tell you this, and maybe it will help with what your dad is dealing with. I've never told my kids "I have cancer" either, for a couple of reasons. #1--Of the 5 cases I've had, the procedures and outcomes were never a guarantee so I didn't want to make a promise I couldn't keep. #2--I didn't want to worry them about a situation that was out of their control anyway #3--And it's even tough to type this now without breaking up, but I just couldn't. I didn't have to courage. It may sound harsh to say this, but the prospect of maybe leaving this world and leaving my kids was even more difficult than the prospect of leaving my wife. There are probably no words that I can express that will help you, but I will tell you this, my kids are the primary reason for me to keep up this fight. I'll never give up, and it's not for me, it's for my kids. It sure does sound like your dad loves you very much, so I'm sure he's going to fight this as much as he is able. He'll come to you when he's able. I'd suggest you just be there for him. ....this is powerful.... -a gift of words and a perspective that many of us can hold close in our heart and find strength from- -thankyou, Chris.... -Matt, prayers from Alaska for you and your dad...-he is so fortunate to have you for a son.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buckee Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Yes, Great post Chris. More prayers on the way from Western Canada as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 I would rather him come to me when he's ready to talk about it then push the subject. And I know what your sayin Chris, I'm not leavin his side and I will be here for him no matter what. These things affect people in different ways. It's easy for me to talk about it now because I'm not facing it now. When I face it, I don't want to talk about it except with my very best friends like Tom, and to be honest, here in the forums. Here in the forums because I don't have to be face to face and it's just a vent. And with a buddy like Tom because he's just there and doesn't judge. Personally, I think it would be a mistake to press your dad, but I could be wrong. There are ways you can let him know, but if he's like me, he's just struggling with the unknowns right now and probably doesn't want to let you down. Hang in there. Feel free to PM me if you want to vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pendog Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Prayers sent for your family!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOYTnMUZZYboy Posted February 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 I know what your sayin Chris. I'm not gonna press the issue at all. When he wants to talk about it or tell me whats goin on he will. I'm a spitting image of him and im the same way. Hate to be asked about stuff im struggleing with. He asked me if i was doing anything sunday, i'm supposed to go with some buddies and he knew that, but i said i dont have anything to do. He said if alot of the snow melts do you wanna go shed hunting, i said yes b4 he even finished his sentance. About 5 min later he said hey didnt you have something planned sunday and i said yea goin shed hunting with you, he just kinda looked at me like come on. Then I kinda laughed and said done deal were goin. I have got to stay strong infront of him to be strength for him for whatever is going on. So im sorry if it may sound like im whineing or anything of that sort in here. Like Chris said its easy for me to come in here to my realtree family where I dont half to be face to face with anyone. I can come in here and type whats on my mind and not be judged. I cant wait for sunday but at the same time i can... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruttinbuc Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 You are a good man, Matt. Keep the strength. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 So im sorry if it may sound like im whineing or anything of that sort in here. Like Chris said its easy for me to come in here to my realtree family where I dont half to be face to face with anyone. I can come in here and type whats on my mind and not be judged. I cant wait for sunday but at the same time i can... Man, don't apologize for that. I can almost guarantee you this cancer crap is just as tough on the family as it is on the patient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
layin on the smackdown Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Well Matt, prayers on the way from down the road...I wish the best for your dad...I'm at a loss for words right now as i could never imagine the situation you are in. Maybe he doesn't have any answers yet, which is why he is not saying anything...I think maybe you should just ask him about it, he may need someone to talk to as bad as you do, and you guys could team up on this whole thing...you both deserve to know, and by the way it sounds, you both could use each other now more than ever. Hang in there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turkeygirl Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Will say a prayer...the two of you need to have a heart to heart chat.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA_RIDGE_RUNNER Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 This post may be as tough a post as I have done in a while. My dad and I were best buddies for as long as I can remember. My dad only had an 8th grade education but was one of the wisest men I knew. I was aware of his cancer very early on. From that time on there was a change of roles where I gradually took over the lead and dad became the follower. I'll admit I was at least as scared as my dad and mom but also knew my dad needed me to be there for him. I recall leading mom and dad through the maze of tests he had to go through. I recall once when we were sitting in a waiting room and I caught dad looking at me and when I looked at him he quickly looked away and thought I saw a bit of moisture in his eyes. Talk about being scared but trying to put on a game face and acting brave for my parents. My dad's cancer was not operable so they could only treat with radiation. I led them to the hospital where the treatments were to take place and did everything I could to be the calm in their storm. My dad fought the good fight for about 8 years till he passed away at the hospice room in the hospital. I was there right to the last. Infact I was holding dads hand when he drew his last breath. That happened in 1989 and I still get a lump in my throat when I think of it. I do miss my dad yet but after the arrangements were made at the hospital and I was on my way home alone I suddenly got a mental picture of my dad walking away from me. He stopped and turned his head a little and gave me his crooked smile and then continued on. I kept that to myself for quite a while. I related the thought picture once to our pastor and he said it was a vision and that dad wanted me to know that he was ok and the smile was his final thank you for all I had done. I can still summon that picture to this day and is how I prefer to remember my dad. I am praying for your dad and even if it is as you fear advances in medicine and treatment have come a long ways since 89. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nativetexan Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 If it were me, I would kick the door in and demand an explanation. People shouldn't go through such things alone, and I would remind that person (especially if it were my dad) that they need help tackling such an issue and you will tackle it with a vengeance, together. Facefirst. But that is just my opinion, and my personality. I'm not going to criticize either way as it is a tough decision to make, and one all your own. Do what you feel is right. So with that said, I will just leave it with prayers on the way up for all of you, and a few extra's for your pops. Especially one for this whole situation to be nothing big at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bowtech_archer07 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Matt, I sure hope things aren't as bad as they seem. I know it's hard not to expect the worst when things like this come up. I truly hope this all works out for ya man, and you know we're all here for ya. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWSmith Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 I cant write what I feel but if a picture ever said a thousand words... This one says them all the way I cant: You've got friends in High Places...and they make house calls!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrj3514 Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 that is some serious news. i will be prayin for all of yall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntnMa Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 continued prayers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RTPROFamily Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Matt, Prayers sent from the whole Oitker family. I hope that you can arrange a talk with your dad about it. Darla and family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craig mack Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Hang in there buddy!!!! I hope that everything is alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOYTnMUZZYboy Posted February 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 No real update as of yet. Just wanted to say thank you all so much again. I helped dad clean the garage today. Since it was 50 here we figured we better get a jump on spring cleaning. We found some of his old photo albums and were flippin through them man was he laughin and telling me storys when he was my age. Most of the snow is melted around here. Still seems to be a lil bit in the woods but thats not gonna stop our shed hunt. So hopefully I will find some info out tomorrow. If not thats ok to. Just be memorys for me and him. I hope everyones weekend is going good! And thanks again everyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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