Shaun_300 Posted June 3, 2010 Report Share Posted June 3, 2010 Seen this in a new men's magazine that we have here in the area. Had a good chuckle reading it, so I figured I'd share. Welcome to Ontario The rules of rural Ontario are as follows, listen up city slickers!! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap straight, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road'. I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get the heck out of the way! 4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed! We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are only driven 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in rural Ontario waves. It's called 'being friendly'. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. There's little for 'vegetarians' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey. 12. When we sit at a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 14. You bring 'Mary Jame' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 15. Ontario Hockey League and Minor Hockey is as important here as the Ottawa Senators and Montreal Habs, and more fun to watch. 16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish. 17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. The students come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays. 18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. 19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap isn't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1) 20. TWO inches of snow and ice isn't a blizzard - it's a vacation! Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out in the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muff Posted June 3, 2010 Report Share Posted June 3, 2010 lol Shaun they are great!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBow Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 Contrary to popular belief, Ontario is far more than just Toronto! Calling a rural Ontarion a Torontonian, would be taken as an insult! Oh ya, and to get here, you don't have to cross the Petermanns Bridge. The closest thing we have to an igloo, is the snow forts the kids built in the snow banks in the front yard after shovelling out the driveway in the winter. If you try and do the speed limit thinking it's in miles per hour, you're gon'na get pulled over by Ontario's finest and get a ticket. All night bush parties will put a Young Street disco to shame. "Please and thank you", are entrenched into our vocabulaire and will most likely get a smile and a "You're welcome" in return, not "wus'up?" Rural Ontario kids who hunt, fish and trap, don't mug little old ladies! And just like in the Beach Boys song, "the northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night!". Ah yes, Ontariariario! TBow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prairiepredator Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 Lol...those are awesome! Most rural Saskatchewan people have those exact same attitudes, especially me, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arrow32 Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 Lol those are pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghuntin Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 I loved numbers 7 and 11 Nathan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suro25 Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 those were good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clrj3514 Posted June 4, 2010 Report Share Posted June 4, 2010 Love #6 & 8. Sounds like home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diamond Archer 01 Posted June 5, 2010 Report Share Posted June 5, 2010 Haha. Those are great!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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