The Guys' Rules

slugshooter

By slugshooter
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slugshooter

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We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!!

Please note....these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do....Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color...Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing". we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. ...If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, monster trucks, or hunting.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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Nut Monster Buck

Nut

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Re: The Guys\' Rules

[ QUOTE ]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!!

Please note....these are all numbered "1" on purpose!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Look before you leap

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Hunting is a sport

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Unless we are at Cabela's

1. Crying is blackmail.

It works for me while at Cabela's

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!!

Sometimes I still do not want to hear it

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Maybe is my best answer to her questions

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do....Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Unless I am sick

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Try being married for 25 years,

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

What did I say 2 minutes ago?

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

errr no comment

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

Know better than to even go there

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

I love you works always

1. You can ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

She does it without asking me

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Nothing onTV worth watching anyways

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

I get lost on my way to restroom. Why I got a GPS

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color...Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

I know

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Unless I get her to do it for me

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing". we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

It is too much fun to stop needling

1. ...If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Maybe still works

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

Not always

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, monster trucks, or hunting.

Forgot to add one more thing

1. You have enough clothes.

Not really

1. You have too many shoes.

Not really

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

shhhhh

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[/ QUOTE ]

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