HuntingInMaine Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 I have a problem and not sure how I should handle it. I am divorced with two boys (9 and 11) from my ex husband. Our divorce went through without a problem, it cost only $2 and we actually rode together to court. There was no arguing over any belongings, custody, or any of that other stuff that usually happens in a divorce. The problem started when he remarried last year. I had nothing against the woman, as long as she is good to my boys that is the only thing that concerns me! Last February they decided to buy the house directly across the street from us. Obviously I have been way too nice or they wouldn't have done it! LOL My oldest came home yesterday after visiting them for about 30 minutes. I could tell he was upset and had been crying. When I asked what happened he said his brother and step brother (both named Nick) were talking about a teacher they both have and how she was "mean". My oldest said something about her being a witch when his step mother told him "You can just stop it right there, you don't know how hard it is to be a teacher and put up with a bunch of brats all the time!" (I should add that she used to be a high school teacher until she was caught sleeping with one of her students. This led to her own divorce and losing custody of her own children.) I will be the first to say my son is very emotional and gets teary eyed over very small things (gets that from his mom, poor thing!) Would I be over reacting if I were to confront her with this? Or should I just let it slide seeing how we live across the street from each other and would make things uncomfortable for everyone involved? She wasn't really abusive or anything like that, but she made my boy cry and that just doesn't settle well with me. Talking to my ex about it won't do much good because she is the one who "wears the pants", so to speak.... Thanks for letting me vent! Now, what would you do??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest DJR Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? in one ear and out the other Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntingInMaine Posted December 2, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Thanks guys....that's what I figured I should do, but it really bothers me that I have been nothing but nice to them all and she is rude to my boy. (I think she could have been a lot nicer about what she said and still got her point across) Guess it is more of an overprotective mother thing kicking in here! LOL Sort of like when you get in between a momma bear and her babies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? personally, i'd let it go, and i'd probably tell my boy to toughen up a bit. my oldest is a softy too. he can be the toughest son of a gun when he needs to be, but down deep, he's too soft IMO. my son has a tendency to feel sorry for himself way too much, and i make it a point of pointing that out to him whenever the situation warrants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuntingInMaine Posted December 2, 2004 Author Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? How do you "toughen" them up without being cruel? You are right, he does need to not let things bother him so much because life isn't going to get any easier. Or is it really a bad thing to be that way? No one says anything about a woman who is like that. But I don't want my boy to be compared to a woman in that context. Boy, this parenting stuff is tough, especially doing it on my own!! I guess it is my fault he is this way, but I don't want my mistakes to follow him through out his life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? [ QUOTE ] How do you "toughen" them up without being cruel? [/ QUOTE ] i don't know. if you ever figure it out, let me know. wish we could consult the manual on this one. just have to do what we feel best and hope it's right in the end. [ QUOTE ] Or is it really a bad thing to be that way? [/ QUOTE ] nope, not in my opinion. [ QUOTE ] Boy, this parenting stuff is tough, [/ QUOTE ] yep, but pretty fun most times! [ QUOTE ] especially doing it on my own!! [/ QUOTE ] don't know how you do it. i panic when my wife has to go out of town for a few days. you're doing a good job. [ QUOTE ] I guess it is my fault he is this way, [/ QUOTE ] no it's not. don't blame yourself. there's a fine line between nature and nurture--even the "experts" can't tell you which is right. i firmly believe people are born with certain traits, some are learned. it doesn't sound to me like you nurtured his sensitivity. if you did, your original post would have been something to the effect of "this lady is hurting my poor baby." you're doing good mom, keep it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanH Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? [ QUOTE ] in one ear and out the other [/ QUOTE ] i AGREE WITH THIS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? I agree 100% with everyone else. That wasn't nearly enough to warrant the tears. Not that he was wrong but it seems he was over reacting a little. As far as toughening him up, dont give in when he wants unwarranted sympathy (I agree with Chris here). I also use to want attention and would feel sorry for myself. Dont give in. I know that is hard because he's your son but its really doing him serious damage. My aunt has a boy and a girl. She has always coddled the boy and been strict on the girl. The girl, as most girls do, matured much faster and has never been weak. Her boy has always been pampered and babied. He was really having troubles in school. If someone would call him a name he would cry or run to the principals office and tell. It really started to back up on him. He would play football with the smaller kids, at family get togethers. Almost every time he would come in crying and he literally outweighed them by 20+ lbs. My aunt always tried to baby him and finally I got a little stern and told him to quit being a sissy and get his rear back out there. He tried to turn to his mom but she wouldn't have it, I guess she finally caught on. He pouted in the yard the rest of the day. It did take a couple more times but now that boy is a lot tougher. My aunt started doing the same thing to him in every other situation she encountered and its really improved him. You have to get a little tough with them or they will have other problems. There is nothing wrong with a boy/ man being sensitive but if he's crying over every little thing will be reflected even among his peers. Trust me, thats not something you want. Once they are old enough to recognize that, he will be labeled a pansie and will be picked on often. Sound brutal but think back.. We all faced it in one way or another. If he comes in with a scratch or hurt feelings brush it off (unless its honestly warranted). Keep in mind that there is a certain level of life he must face alone (even though you're his mom, he's his own person). You cant always be there and he needs to learn to face things alone, to some degree. You may want to look at situations harder before you let it effect you this strongly too. The fact is a teacher does put up with brats all day. That doesn't make her right to talk to your boy that way but honestly if thats the worst he ever goes through you'll be in great shape. Make sure you really analyze every situation before you let if have that effect on you. I think you were over reacting here too and you'll fuel his fire. He knew that if he came to you crying he would get showered with attention and pitty. AKA, you talked empathetically with him and showed a ton of concern, and then were really worried about the situation. You gave him exactly what he wanted and escalated the situation. Step back, look at the situation, judge things from a more neutral standpoint, and then react. Had that been someone else's kid approaching you with the problem (perhaps someone you didn't know) how would you have reacted? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeramie Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? great point bh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palssonater Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Hmmm tough situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimT Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? I would let it slide... Not sure if I would want to live across the street from my ex wife..That would be brutal. I actually find it kind of odd that anyone would do that. Kinda hard to have a new beggining if the past is staring at you all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Washi Posted December 2, 2004 Report Share Posted December 2, 2004 Re: What would you do??? I agree with the overall advice everyone is giving. I'd just say something like, "She must be in a bad mood, don't worry about it. Not a big deal." I don't know if I'd trust her around my kids though if she is a perv that was sleeping with one of her students. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archerjg Posted December 3, 2004 Report Share Posted December 3, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Let it slide. There will be other times when it maybe important to confront her about things. Archerjg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VermontHunter Posted December 3, 2004 Report Share Posted December 3, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Sorry can't help ya out with this one, my wife and I can't have children, so I try not to give opinions on parenting when I have no experince in the matter of raising them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superguide Posted December 3, 2004 Report Share Posted December 3, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Much ado about nothing-i wouldn't make a scene over something like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted December 3, 2004 Report Share Posted December 3, 2004 Re: What would you do??? Yep, let it go. Have to agree wtih what Chris and Jeramie say here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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