Buckslayer Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 My girlfriend and I are having some major issues right now. We are at some kind of turning point where we're both trying to decide if we want to spend the rest of our lives together. It seems that for the first two years things were great, and in the last year or so we have been getting into regular fights over anything and everything. Neither of us want this to happen, but we can't seem to stop it either.... We just argue. We are now questioning whether we are the couple we thought we were. I am ready to settle down and have kids in a few years before I hit 30, so I don't really want to waste time on something that is not meant to be. My question is should we keep on waiting or just get things over with and the healing process started? We are both afraid to make a move, and both still say we love each other, but we can't seem to get along more than a day or two without fighting over something stupid. It stresses us both out. I'm just trying to get a feel for who's been here in life... And what its going to take to get over it... My longest relationship before this one was 2 months (no real attachment). This one has been three years so far. Have you dated a member of the opposite sex for more than 3 years without breaking up or getting engaged? (Please only respond if you are 21 or older.) Thanks a ton. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddyboman Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] both still say we love each other, but we can't seem to get along more than a day or two without fighting over something stupid. It stresses us both out. [/ QUOTE ] Do you really mean "I LOVE YOU" or are you just saying from habit.... Sometimes time away is good to realize if you do or do not really love each other. My wife and I dated for about a 1.5 years, then went our separate ways. Then realized we did love each other and got back together and now have been married for 6 years. Good Luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckslayer Posted March 23, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll Thanks for replying Todd. I still mean I LOVE YOU for sure. She does too, we are really attached, like family... But we are just annoying the heck out of each other a lot. It seems as though she's pointing out all my flaws little by little -- but I never said that !! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toddyboman Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] Thanks for replying Todd. I still mean I LOVE YOU for sure. She does too, we are really attached, like family... But we are just annoying the heck out of each other a lot. It seems as though she's pointing out all my flaws little by little -- but I never said that !! LOL [/ QUOTE ] LOL Get use to that one buddy!! Are you guys picking fights intentionally? If you guys still love each other then I would try like heck to work it out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tominator Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll Getting through the hard times makes a relationship stronger. You start to build a history that you two can look back on and say "we got throught that, we can get through this." Any relationship is going to take work. Question is, are you willing to work at it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Finn Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll If it's no fun and all you do is fight now, how do you think it will be when you have kids and real problems arise? I couldn't be around someone I fight with at the drop of a hat. What's the point in that? Forever is a long, long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
popgun Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll It sounds as though you both are having your doubts about your relationship. If you are feeling the need to ask others for opinions,you probably already know the answers, and you need to act on them now. If you already are arguing over trifle issues, how do you expect you both will react to issues of real importance? Be glad you don't already have children, and try again with someone else. ....popgun Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeNRA Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] Have you dated a member of the opposite sex for more than 3 years without breaking up or getting engaged? [/ QUOTE ] The wife and I got together in 1985, moved into our appartment in 1986, got married in 1991. We were engaged for about 1.5 years. We needed to pay for our wedding, we didnt want to put anykind of a strain on our parents. It was our wedding, and we wanted to pay for it. We moved in together to make sure we could live with each other! Been together since. Sure we have our ups and downs. But we always work things out in the end! We have a daughter which we love and care about very dearly, that alone keeps us together as well! Sounds to me like maybe you two need to talk to somebody. Professional or maybe someone in the church could help. If you two both have feelings still for each other, maybe this will help! If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be yours. If not, then it was never meant to be! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brianxt Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Re: Poll my wife and I dated for 9 months or so then we got maried after about 1 year of dating .We have been maried now for 9 years we have two kids .Yes we have our fueds but we have booth made up our minds that we are nether one going to go any were so we work ever thing out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkhntnfool Posted March 24, 2007 Report Share Posted March 24, 2007 Re: Poll Sounds like your married already. lol. My wife and I dated for four years before we got married. We have been married for 3 1/2 years now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckslayer Posted March 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll All these replies were very valuable. We both are asking for a little direction from God... We have good days and annoying days and nothing in between. Whether we move on, or we decide to use this to make us stronger, only time will tell. I am glad we don't live together, have children, etc. We could have lived together so easy (right now we live 4 miles apart in separate apartments)... We also come from the same old fashioned religous type background where our families would not allow us to live together until after marriage. Thanks again, and I'm sure you'll hear about my situation more when it changes because RT is a great support system when things look grim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckslayer Posted March 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] It sounds as though you both are having your doubts about your relationship. If you are feeling the need to ask others for opinions,you probably already know the answers, and you need to act on them now. If you already are arguing over trifle issues, how do you expect you both will react to issues of real importance? Be glad you don't already have children, and try again with someone else. ....popgun [/ QUOTE ] Doesn't everyone who gets married doubt their relationship before they go through with marriage or engagement??? I don't know... just speaking for myself here... but its not exactly easy to figure this out or I would have never come to all of you for help. I don't know the answers to my questions... because I don't, I can't act on them. I don't know if I want to act on them anyway for fear of losing so many good friends (her family is great and she is like my best friend). I do see your point about arguing over trifle issues popgun, but a lot of the time I think one of us is stressed and then takes it out on the other which causes an argument. Its not like we can't make correct decisions or anything - - there's more to it than that ( I just don't know what...or why) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] We are at some kind of turning point where we're both trying to decide if we want to spend the rest of our lives together. [/ QUOTE ] I had the same deal with a girl I dated in college for a while. My answer to myself "if it's not a definate yes, then it has to be a no". Not telling you what to do, but is that the way you want to spend the rest of your life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coles Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll i know you said to not reply if i wasnt over 21 but the best advice anyone can give you is to pray about it and God will point you in the right direction and give you the REAL answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckslayer Posted March 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] i know you said to not reply if i wasnt over 21 but the best advice anyone can give you is to pray about it and God will point you in the right direction and give you the REAL answers. [/ QUOTE ] Its not that I don't value experiences of those under 21... but was looking more from the elders' perspective. Thanks for sharing - and yep I've been praying for help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NS whitetail Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] Be glad you don't already have children, and try again with someone else. [/ QUOTE ] that is for sure, when kids come along, it makes it all the more tough I have been married for 5 years ( just last week ) and we are at the same point that you are --- can't get along 2 days in a row. She blames me, I blame her. If it wasn't for my son -- I would walk away. Life is way to short to spend it unhappy, so figure out what is best for you and you alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnf Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Be glad you don't already have children, and try again with someone else. [/ QUOTE ] that is for sure, when kids come along, it makes it all the more tough I have been married for 5 years ( just last week ) and we are at the same point that you are --- can't get along 2 days in a row. She blames me, I blame her. If it wasn't for my son -- I would walk away. Life is way to short to spend it unhappy, so figure out what is best for you and you alone. [/ QUOTE ] I've had some tough times with my wife too. Try something for a while. Go out of your way to make her life better. Iron her dress, make her coffee, tell her she's pretty, touch her on the shoulder or back as you walk by, or do whatever it is that makes her happy. It doesn't matter how much you tell her you love her if you never show her. If you will do that for a week I guarentee at some point she will start doing it for you and after awhile it will be habitual. There's nothing like having a really good habit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhino Posted March 27, 2007 Report Share Posted March 27, 2007 Re: Poll Sounds to me like you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk (in depth) about all of this. Maybe even agree (after talking) to get some counseling, provided you're both agreeable to doing it. You say you really love her and she really loves you so sit down and talk about it. If either one of your appartments is not a comfortable setting to do that then go somewhere out in the countryside, find a good view, bring a blanket, and sit down and talk where you're away from any distractions. If it were me I'd find the outdoor setting to talk. That way you feel like your out their with God. Every relationship goes through some bumps and this sure sounds like one. Just maybe after talking in depth about how you feel about one another and what the future holds for both of you, you'll both discover the answer to your question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckslayer Posted March 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 Re: Poll JohnF I think you have been talking to my girlfriend... Where did you two meet? Band trip a few years back??? LOL She is always saying it doesn't matter how much I say it, its how I show it that matters... and she doesn't mean the big things like dates because she knows I take care of her... Its those little things that easily slip under the rug as time goes by such as those you mentioned, that make her happy most. Soooo, thanks for the reminder. Thanks for all this support guys; its very generous and the exact reason I post on this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wtnhunt Posted March 28, 2007 Report Share Posted March 28, 2007 Re: Poll [ QUOTE ] Getting through the hard times makes a relationship stronger. You start to build a history that you two can look back on and say "we got throught that, we can get through this." Any relationship is going to take work. Question is, are you willing to work at it? [/ QUOTE ] Yep, this is very true. Think honestly if you are working through fights now, you should be able to handle them in marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.